Keeping the "relate" in relationships.

I was discussing relationships with a good friend of mine last night and we got onto the issue of deal breakers. She asked me to define them so I had to ask myself, "What sorts of character flaws are so bad that, in and of themselves, they ruin any chance of a relationship forever regardless of every other positive trait?" Philosophically, I needed a logical foundation to reinforce my question. I answered using two supporting justifications:

1) I had to determine what deficiencies I was unwilling to accept in myself to discern what I was compelled to avoid in someone. In so doing, I realized that;

2) The woman would have to be compatible with me in every important way for the best possible assurance of a LONG TERM relationship.

Thus, importantly, I should stay far away from the attraction of opposites.

To wit, I love Jesus and believe His grace, apart from works, rescues sinners from hopeless lives. Mercy triumphs over justice. Being with someone who disagreed would feel like a red-hot brand in my side. I am very good with money and take pride in the stewardship of the resources that God has given to me. Why would I choose the foolishness of being with a frivolous woman? Would a man choose to sleep under a leaky roof? I am a hard worker and find great worth in completing a job to the best of my ability. A lazy woman would be like gravel in my mouth. My political conservatism defines my view of government, so being with a woman who wants to force redistribution of wealth to "the poor" would be worse than Chinese water torture.

Put simply, to be a gracious and merciful man in marriage, responsible with my labor and its fruit, and of the belief that I have the best ability to determine how to use my life, I need a compatible woman. If I never meet her, I am content to be single because my ultimate desire for marriage is to learn to love God more and bring Him the glory of a union so absolutely amazing that even those who don't know God give Him the credit for such a miraculous affair. My relationship with Jesus is too good to squander on a terrible relationship.

My friend, thought not a Christian, found it to be a very good explanation!

Don't be so open-minded that your brain falls out.

A tolerant, open-minded, non-judgmental attitude is publicly presented as the creme de la creme of progressive secular humanism and group think. It is often represented by those bumper stickers that leave a tickle of annoyance to squirm through the back of your mind: "COEXIST" and "TOLERANCE" being the main examples wherein the letters are scrawled out as major religious symbols (i.e. the "t" is a cross, the "c" is the star and crescent). While thinking about this, I ran across a quote attributed to G.K. Chesterton: "When a Man stops believing in God he doesn't then believe in nothing, he believes anything."

...And believing in "anything" can get you killed because having true wisdom tends to shut one's mind to foolish, man-made ideologies that have no capability to save or enrich (Consider this passage from Proverbs 1). Wisdom brings life but a belief in "anything" breeds foolishness. The image below conveys the fallacy of open-mindedness and tolerance between competing and wholly different ideologies and philosophies.


I have seen quotes from Muslims and atheists that fall along the lines of "We love death more than you love life." Such people will lord their authority over those who are not willing to sacrifice their life to protect what is good and holy. Where can we find such a person? I thank God that through Jesus Christ we have such an advocate and defender. Only Jesus has the strength to save us from our enemies in this life and our final enemy which is death. All those who put their trust in Him will by no means be put to shame.

Philisophical testimony.

I have not found myself publicly blogging for over a month. This bothers me a bit but I have accepted that the Lord is simply encouraging me to bide my time and be content with the simply life He has given to me. I am writing today because I recently made a new friend who has really got my mental juices flowing.

He wrote an intriguing comment to me:

" I do not believe that we are created in god's image. I believe that god is created in our image...more precisely our deeply embedded need to deal with the "darkness outside our cave", our need to have answers to what comes after death...our fear that this is all there is and death is just that...the end. Humankind has always had a problem with The End.

For me, when I hear people say that have "faith" in this god or that goddess, I hear them really saying they have "need". A need to know the transcendent...a need for an answer that works for them, that comforts them, that allows them to get through Life, that Answers the fearful "darkness outside the cave".

Pleased with his question and my response on a generic level, I desired to immortalize the spirit of the conversation below:

I do not turn to faith out of fear of what's to come but out of hope of what I will be made into. That's a better promise than anything this vain life can give. After all, the righteous and the unrighteous alike find their end in the grave. Death is the great equalizer of all people but if we believe in nothing after it then it is impossible to truly thrive in this life. What's the point if there is no justice? The wicked see their days prolonged while the righteous end their days in misery. The thrifty give the bounty of their labor to those who did not work for it. The peaceful of heart find their end by the sword.

In other words, no hope for an afterlife (or to see Jesus face-to-face) causes us to live like hell in this life. Without Christ, our philosophy should simply be to, "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die!"

Any comments would be appreciated!

Hope from Budapest, Hungary.

When I was young I developed a passion for the consumption of all things World War II. I wanted to understand what I considered to be the most epic physical struggle in history. I don't remember the source, but I had heard of a family living in German occupied Budapest which the Russians were besieging during their inexorable counter offensive into the heart of Europe. They talked of how the fighting was so intense you could not go out into the streets for fear of being shot. The bullets were flying so thick down the boulevards it was like trying to push your way through a lead wall. What the civilians ended up doing was stretching lines across the streets from house to house where they could sling, slide or pull along products necessary for survival. It was a city full of misery and death.

That word picture left such an impression on my mind that it was the first thing I thought of when I saw the name of the city in this YouTube video:



I cried during the video (all 12 times I watched it today) and was so thankful for the redemption of that city and my memories of it. It is most apparently not a city on the edge of death as it once was. God will have His ultimate victory and it will be won by the smiles on children's faces and the dancing of old people. This epic war will not be won physically however, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12). The word picture in my mind now is one that points to heaven where we will all dance with perfect joy and great abandon in safety on the streets of gold in the city of God!

Update: While writing this, I found out that some of my favorite pieces of music by Antonio Vivaldi and Franz Schubert were played by the Budapest Strings.

Q'uran burnings and double standards.

A friend of mine recently posted some logical and very well-reasoned questions on the 9/11 Q'uran burning:

Ok, let me first say that I do not support burning the Quran, I am not defending this pastor, and I'm not saying this action reflects all Muslims, BUT, why is there no public outcry over actions like this: "In Afghanistan, hundreds of Afghans burned an American flag and chanted "Death to the Christians" to protest the ...planned Quran burning."??? (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/quran_burning)

So let me get this right...to protest a hateful act by one American (which is also an act of "protest" according to the pastor), HUNDREDS of members of this religion burn an entire country's flag and chant "DEATH to ALL Christians". Is it just me, or does there seem to be a double-standard here?

After a pretty extensive conversation with some other posters, my thoughts clarified with the thought that Jesus gave His life to save us from such inconsistencies of behavior and belief. I responded:

An important thing to remember about Christianity in relation to Islam is that Christians don't consider it blasphemy to burn the bible. The Word is not on paper so that human hands can destroy it. The Word became flesh in the form of Jesus... and was absolutely crushed by God for bearing the weight of our sins. So, a true Christian is one who admits the sickness in their heart, sees the wickedness of such actions, and looks to Jesus for forgiveness of their wrongdoings. After all, what is worse: Burning the written word of one religion or murdering the incarnated (enfleshed) Word and leader of another?

If Jesus was killed for His faith in the Father, why would His followers fare any better? If Christians are citizens of heaven first (which will last forever), why would we care if the flag of the nation we live in (that will pass away) is burned? Answer those questions and you will understand the double-standard and realize why, for the most part, true Christians are concerned more with the salvation of sinners and not wrongdoings perpetuated against themselves.

Christians should consider that their personal sin is responsible for the death of Jesus before calling judgment upon sinners who don't even know Jesus. That is the humility Jesus calls us to upon our repentance. This is why the Q'uran burning is foolish and why the double-standard is comprehensible.

Thoughts? Words of wisdom? Share them, please!

Look to the chickens for wisdom!

Do you have chickens? I do. They are incredibly wise creatures in their own way. They live according to their design and they never deviate from the simple existence they were created for. They wake up with the sun and go to to bed with its setting. For them this process is simple: They walk into their coop when it gets dark and walk out when the sun rises. That's it. Compare that to our sleeping habits (or lack thereof). And we think that we are wiser than such humble birds!

I work at a school and every morning a large number of the students respond to my question of how they're doing that morning with a lame "I'm tired. I didn't sleep much last night." It's almost always the same students! Look to the chickens for wisdom! But I digress.

I mention the simplicity of a chicken's life to bring up some important lessons they have taught me. Lesson one: They are absolutely, totally and completely helpless in almost every conceivable way. They can't fly but have wings to supplement a low jumping capability. They can barely run at all. They panic when endangered. Their only defense is to hide because even though they have beaks and claws, they are dull and useless and made for seeds, people! Lesson two: They fully depend on my protection. This simply means locking the door to their coop at night. If their door is not locked, the raccoons, opossums, coyotes and other night predators will come to eat them. And they will be successful in the hunt because they have nothing to fear.

Sadly, spiritually, we are exactly the same. We believe we can keep our souls safe simply by withdrawing into the shelter of whatever gives us comfort, whether it be our guns, families, religion, education, position, drugs, lusts, etc. Yet, if we place our hope in such places, we will be snatched from the comfort they provide in an instant or bound forever with their siren calls. This is simply because no good protector would ever lock his wards into such a house of cards. Only an enemy would ever seek to spring such an ambush to trap our hearts with those things that will pass away no matter how hard we hold on. Who is that enemy? We are told in scripture that "[Our] adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour."

My favorite chicken, eaten last week while I was gone on vacation

Where can we run to hide from such deceit? From what I wrote, if we place our hope in what we see then we are damned if we do (find peace in it) and damned if we don't. We are either trapped to rot in our comforts or chased out to be consumed by the predator. There is only one house in which to find safety and that is in the house of God! Psalm 91:1-2 states:

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.” (Chapter linked above)

There is only one Man in whom to trust when we are aimlessly wandering and chained. Matthew 9:36 states, "But when Jesus saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd." (Again, incredible chapter linked above)

But Jesus wasn't just moved with compassion for we know He acted upon it. For our final hope, we are given Isaiah 61:1 in which the Lord says of God,

"He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound..." (Linked)

So I end by saying trust in the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and He shall keep you safe and give your soul liberty.

Running doesn't bring safety.

Not even a month ago I was having extreme pain and itching on my forearms and neck. It would shatter my sleep with the sensation of white hot icepicks being driven into my flesh and nothing would cause it to relent. The itching and the pain correlated and scratching made both worse, and yet, I could. not. avoid. itching. After a short while of this, I would begin cursing and my attitude would turn bitter and resentful. A little research finally led me to the only thing that helped and that was an ice pack to deaden my nerves and help me fitfully return to sleep.

In these times, the thought passed through my mind to sell my soul to get rid of the agony (not that I have that option since God, you know, sort of owns my soul). Still, it was humiliating for me and a great cause of sorrow on my part that something so basic as an itch could bring me to my wits ends and fray my nerves so completely. The faith I spent so much time cultivating was broken quickly and the only thing holding me together was God's faithfulness.

I was reminded of Job from the Bible when he was afflicted with sores from the top of his head to the soles of his feet. His only recourse from the agony was to use a broken piece of pottery to scrape away fluids from the leaking pustules covering him. Yet, His hope in deliverance from God remained firm. He knew God to be His ultimate and only source of healing.

While I was meditating on the shallowness of my faith and lack of endurance, the thought of soldiers in trenches during World War I entered my mind. They lived with the rats and roaches, often with trench foot so bad the skin on their feet would slough off in great chunks. They were gassed and lived in full facial masks that made it almost impossible to exert oneself and breath at the same time. Enemy shelling would drive them deep underground for days at a time to the point that many soldiers would become "shell shocked" and lose control over their bodies and psyches.

What was the average soldier's response to this intense suffering? Did he leave the utter lack of comfort in the trenches for safety above ground? Did he remove his mask when he could barely breath to inhale the air outside? God no! Those soldiers knew that, though they suffered mightily in the inhumanity of the trenches, the danger out of the trenches and in the foul air was far greater. Certain death lurked in those dark shadows. Though they lived worse than brute beasts they accepted, even fatalistically, the life of suffering they were called to be in. There was no choice in the matter if they wanted to live. Their safety did not resolve around seeking comfort but in enduring a life of suffering for the promise of peace that was to come.

This was true for Job just as it is true for me and you. No one can avoid the pain in this life by running away from God who heals our pain. We are trapped in dying bodies that will suffer and die through all the pangs of that death. We are surrounded by a world that in its very nature seeks to destroy us and bring about a victory for wickedness. We are attacked on every side by demonic minions and our own convicting thoughts. In all this do we then turn to the world for solutions that it inherently cannot provide? Can the world kill us and also bring us to life? Is it wise to avoid God who is the wellspring of life? Not if you're being honest with yourself.

Our safety revolves around the only One who was able to enter into the enemy's trenches and silence their guns. He endured our agony to save us. That One is Jesus and only through trusting in Him alone are we able to come back into the light of day where the air is clean and the sun is bright. In Him alone are we able to remove the stifling masks that hid our faces for so long. It was for freedom that He set us free and only in Jesus can we live a life befitting the only creature to be made in God's image. Do not give up on God's healing for such light and transient causes of this world that is passing away. In just a little while we will finish the race of faith and enter into the heavenly courts where Jesus will look upon us face-to-face and His father will say, "Well done good and faithful servant."

Dying to save the dead

A person will die for one they love. Will a person give their life for an enemy, or someone unknown? It seems to be a rhetorical question and yet there is a remarkable answer which involves the only possible means by which the heart can learn to love unconditionally. Meditating on this concept, a friend of mine reminded me that most of Jesus' apostles died to follow Jesus. They did not die for the idea of a crucified man, but for the living reality of a resurrected Savior who loved them in spite of their sins and denials. Their lives embodied the scripture in Colossians 3:23 that states "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."

All of us, at times, look at our faith as work or actions that we must do or must refrain from. For example, as a positive work, many believe that we must tithe to the church to be faithful. Others believe in negative actions of righteousness such as avoiding alcohol. However, the radical truth of the gospel is that Christianity is not at all about what you do or don't do. It is about the works that have been done on the sinner's behalf. The apostles did not live or die for Jesus because they had to. They lived and died for him because they loved every aspect of His existence and unconditional love.



Christ does not ask us to go through anything that He Himself has not already been through. His followers were willing to give up their lives for Him who is worthy of all glory and honor. After all, He gave up His own life as God in the flesh to save their depraved and dishonorable lives. Their works were the result of a heart change that was manifested outwardly. In other words, they produced good works because what they gave honor to changed. They esteemed works in life that brought honor to God instead of self-seeking works. This is the means by which we have faith in God's kindness that leads us to repentance in order to produce works worthy of repentance!


The process of producing good works is a result of getting to know the man, Jesus Christ. Everything He undertook during His life was meant to highlight the perfect and humble love of His Father. By contrast, the people whom He confronted through His words and works often revealed the depth-less depravity of the human heart. All of His works culminated in His death on a cross where the penalty for the depravity of His faithless apostles and every sinning child of God was paid for. Christ gave His life for His enemies and those who did not desire to know Him so that they would have a change of heart that produced an unconditional love for all people. Anything that comes from such a heart is worthy of honor.

What does your religion teach? Does your life mirror this radical love? Do your works bring glory to yourself or to Jesus? To answer these questions, consider that in order to know what you want in life you must first look at what you have or how you live.

Questions that probe the soul.

I found a great blog entry that is worth quoting. It discusses the two different ways of reflecting on our salvation and faith. Here are the two groups of questions for you:

The weaker questions-

*Do you know you are a sinner?
*Do you want to go to heaven?
*Have you asked Jesus into your heart?
*Do you remember a time when you prayed to receive Christ as your Lord and Savior?
*If not, would you like to do that now? Repeat after me. “Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I’m a sinner. . .”

Questions of strength-

*Do you believe that you are sinner who has fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23)?
*Do you believe Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God (Matthew 16:16; Acts 8:37)?
*Do you believe that He died for your sin according to the Scriptures, that He was buried and that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures (I Corinthians 15:3-4) and that apart from His substitutionary, atoning work on the cross you would spend eternity in hell according to the Scriptures (John 3:16; II Corinthians 5:21; I John 4:10)?
*Have you confessed Him as Lord (Romans 10:9-10)?
*Do you hate your sin (Ezekiel 36:31; Romans 7:15-20)?
*Do you treasure Christ more than anything or anyone else (Philippians 3:7-10)?
*Is your life characterized by a spirit of continual repentance (Romans 2:4; II Cor. 7:9-10)?
*Do you strive to be holy in all your behavior (I Peter 1:15)?
*Do you long for the Word of God (Psalm 119:20; I Peter 2:2)?
*Do you bear fruit in keeping with repentance (Matthew 3:8)?
*Do you love your Christian brothers and sisters (I John 3:14-16)?
*If not, come to the cross. Repent of your sin and believe the gospel (Mark 1:15). Turn from the darkness to the light, from the dominion of Satan to God and receive the forgiveness and inheritance God offers in Christ (Acts 26:18). Confess Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior (Romans 10:9-10), go and sin no more (John 8:11), and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace (II Timothy 2:2; Hebrews 12:14).

God's perfect paradox.

Sometimes, when I'm talking about God's nature with people, the sort of tongue-in-cheek paradoxical question of whether or not God could create a rock so heavy He could not lift it comes up. I can't help but think that this question is too simple. A better one that conveys the nuances and penumbras of God's creative genius would have to be "can God create something so complicated that even He can't understand it?" Any sentient creature would have to admit that the answer is "yes" and more specifically "women."

Random thoughts and questions from tonight.

-Putting thought to paper (or blog) is an amazing thing to do. It takes a lot of effort but bears rich rewards if you can apply reason to reality to find wisdom. In fact, much like praying before a God who knows you perfectly, writing your thoughts out helps in the process of obtaining wisdom by exposing hypocrisy in your thought processes. The best way to find wisdom is to ask questions and discover certain principles that never change. Once you've found those principles, you have an immutable foundation upon which to build your life. This foundation leads to a strong conscience and character and a hatred of deceit.

-A friend writes concerning the scriptures: "Okay, whatever. I'm done talking about the Bible because I don't know anything from it. I am useless."

My response: "That's foolish to say lil' sister! Ask me for scriptures for proof instead of lambasting yourself. Ask questions, ask questions, ask questions! You won't gain wisdom by denying your creation as a daughter of God, made in His image!"

-A question I asked on Facebook: "How does gay marriage infringe upon our rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Does another person's marriage take away your ability to live life as you see fit?"

A friend writes: "I feel that if our nation was to legally endorse gay "marriage" then the judgment of our heavenly father would be upon the whole nation."

My response: "Doesn't the judgment of God fall upon people for every sin? Does God deem one sin as more worthy of eternal justice than another? Doesn't our allowance of abortion as a country place us under God's judgment already? We are either under judgment already or we are not."

(The picture above is an illustration intended to reveal conceit and is not in alignment with my beliefs)

Another friend writes on this topic: "A gay man thinks the same as a straight man. Therefore no limitation [on marriage] should be made. But what about those with a mental disability that could cause harm to oneself or another? Is it okay then to have limits?"

My response in part: "Who determines mental disability? Even mentally disabled people can be wise and make proper decisions. I know plenty of mentally enabled people who make incredibly destructive choices. Wisdom is not constrained by one's ability to think but rather by one's ability to have empathy towards others. Mentally disabled people I have known are some of the most loving people I have ever met."

-A third friend ask how I got on the topic and I said: "[My reason is] anger over the conduct of judgmental Christians who would rather judge their unbelieving neighbor instead of loving their enemies as God loved them when they were His enemies!"

Government by coercion or conscience?

Government should have a very specific and limited jurisdiction which can be expressed using the idea of natural law which is a characteristic of the Creator. We will get back to natural law, but for now, this begs the question: What is government? There are two types: An impartial, coercive external government and a personal, internal, conscience-driven or spirit-led self-government. Relating to external governance, the institutionalized type we have all encountered I will simply call "the government." This encapsulates the regulatory, bureaucratic, legislative, judicial and executive authorities of national, state and local governments. In defining these two types, it is now possible to determine the authorities of each.

According to natural law, the authority of the external governance must extrapolate an order of individualistic natural rights according to human nature that it is authorized to defend. Because natural rights are vested in the person and not the government, the authority of the external governance comes from a society of moral individuals. Using reason, this can only be done by a community through the application of rational thought and techniques to observe the universe. Because all created things bear a partial image of their creator, we can discern that there are things we humans have in common with our own. One of these commonalities is reason and it is shared with no other creature.

Because we can discern aspects of creation, we see around us a reasoned universe that obeys certain laws. Our Creator vested interest and skill into us as His creation and provides specific natural laws for us to abide by. Just as the laws of physics apply equally over time and space, natural law, by definition of being a law, applies to all people equally. Thus, an edict is handed down by our Creator that obligates those under natural law to protect the unalienable rights of all by "[organizing the government's] powers in such form as to them shall seem most likely to affect their Safety and Happiness." (Declaration of Independence)


No governing structure has the authority to bind and loose one law-abiding individual over another. It is necessary then for the government's power to be universally enforced over the law-breaker. When relativistic social laws are allowed to discriminate between people, class and race warfare erupt and justice is lost. Natural laws and the rights given therein must transcend class and race. The Declaration of Independence states that among these rights are "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

We are not given the gift of life so that it can be arbitrarily taken away by another recipient of the same gift. Having been given life, we have a cosmic expectation and the liberty to enjoy it as we see fit insofar as it does not infringe upon the life, liberty and pursuit of happiness of others. We exercise the liberty of enjoying our life through the pursuit of happiness (or property as the Founders would also have said). Thus, without the protection of our pursuit of happiness, or fruits of our labor such as land and wages, we are stripped of the liberty to pursue happiness in our lives. Without the right to pursue happiness in our lives, the right to the gift of life has little meaning.

Reasonably, any use of a sovereign's self-government that infringes upon the life, liberty and pursuit of happiness of another is cause for the coercive authority, or government, to engage itself in order to protect the victim, bind the law-breaker, reestablish order and force restitution. In a two realm system of governance in which natural rights are extended to individuals and the protection of those rights given by the people to the government, this is consistent. Quite simply, the protection offered by the government provides for equality of all people as a gift from God, equality before the law, and equal protection of rights.

Government operates by the consent of a moral, law-abiding citizenry in order for it to punish behaviors that infringe upon the natural rights of others. Government being instituted by the people, it is a fundamental responsibility of said people to dispel any government that fails them in such a duty. As our Declaration states, "...Whenever any form of government becomes destructive [of securing our rights], it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute a new government." Is our government operating under the consent of the governed and protecting us?

Freedom of religion, but not freedom to proselytize?

Coming from NPR (a government sponsored news outlet), I was wary of this article and video of Christians in China. Also, having read books such as "Brother Yun" and various articles from Voice of the Martyrs magazine on persecution in China, I am hyper-sensitive to propaganda that China allows to escape its borders concerning religious/spiritual activity (especially through government supported media outlets. All one needs to do is read up on Chinese persecution of the Falun Gong, Muslims and Christians.

When the state religion is Communism, the state is loathe to relinquish its godhood. Knowing of the state sanctioned Three Fold (or Self) Church and their legal limitations, I approach statements from the state-sanctioned pastors with caution: "Relations between church and state are 'extremely good'" one pastor says. "I believe there is total religious freedom!" You'll hear the rest in the first third of the video.

Listen or read intently and you will notice many logical and reasoning inconsistencies. That being said, the article does a decent job of revealing an expanding reality in the country even though the only people talking with the media are those whom the state gives a voice to. God bless!

There is joy in the waiting.

People often ask if I have a girlfriend the answer to which has, for all but a month of my life, been an emphatic "no." Most usually, when asked by Christians I know (or family), I get the response that "It'll be OK. The right person will come at just the right time!" Well, I'm not in a rush and I'm not hoping for someone to show up at the wrong time!

I believe in a sovereign, all-mighty God, who has my best interests at heart. To the core of my being, as a creation that bears the image of the invisible God, my purpose is to grow in His love and admonition. Thus, for every moment of my life, I have the opportunity and privilege to offer my heart and every action and thought up to His divine providence.

It is meant as worthy of great honor to seek Jesus' face as a single man. Having many friends who are married and being able to ask their advice on how to wait upon the Lord clarifies the journey that leads up to marriage. I am able to focus on my own growth in the Spirit and His ways so that, in the fullness of His timing for me, I might be a man deserving of the woman He has specifically fashioned to have my heart. It is good to learn from the experiences of those who have gone before me!

Waiting for the right woman should be an occasion for joy and hope just as waiting on the Lord to return is. His promises are good and certain for He is the Giver of EVERY good gift...even patience. I have often reminded myself that being single and happy is far better than being in a relationship and miserable. Also, a good friend of mine has often said, "Evan, you have NO IDEA how bad it is to be married to someone you don't enjoy." This is wisdom people; to not be unequally yoked!

In chains and liberated!

A friend wrote a letter about her son whose body is wasting away from a little-known disease called LEMS. She expressed a remarkably poignant thought that I wanted to share.

"It's so true that if we are to suffer well we must have good theology. Hard questions do arise, and we are compelled to press into the character of God and His purposes. However, in trying to gain that, I am reminded that God is not so much interested in changing our perspective on suffering as He is in changing us."

In part, this is my response motivated by a providential encounter with an extraordinary man:

"AMEN to that, sister! And yet, He is still deeply concerned about forming our understanding of suffering through the process of changing our hearts!

I wanted to share a story with you. I was sitting in front of the school today (as I am known to do) and a man with a walker emerged from the breezeway. I literally jumped out of my cart to ask of his business and also to offer my help if necessary. He was deeply scarred in many places and could barely shuffle along although his balance was good. He may have been near 40.

I introduced myself so he gave me his name of Ross. We shook hands as he launched into a spiel about how he had basically been a hedonist in his younger life and had gotten into a horrible, drunk accident that almost killed him. He gave many gory details of a well-memorized speech on himself and the statistics. It took years for physical therapy to get him back to being able to walk again, let alone speak.

He mentioned to me that he had been a prisoner trapped in his own body to which I responded by asking, "Are you still a prisoner in your own body?" He said that he was not and I (meaning to share the Lord with him) replied "Praise God!" His eyes lit up and we launched into a conversation about God's goodness and His amazing promises. I was thankful to hear that he was saved and had the promise of an end to his physical infirmities at the resurrection."

After sending the above letter back to my friend I was happy to recall some deep wisdom about the resurrection and the giving of good gifts to those who cannot repay them. Check it out:

Jesus said to his host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

When one of those at the table with him heard this, he said to Jesus, "Blessed is the man who will eat at the feast in the kingdom of God." ~Luke 14:12-15

Can you see? This is the gift that all of us who are imprisoned in these bodies of sin and death long for! We seek a release that can only be found in a loving God who invites us to Him when we are broken with nothing to bring but needy hands. His love for us is so great that He is overjoyed when we give him our chains in exchange for His riches!

Living without fear in the face of suffering.

A friend of mine told me a joke today. Two men are stranded on a remote Pacific island after their plane crashes. One of the men bemoans their fate and shouts "we are finished" to the sky. "We'll never make it out alive" he groans! The second man gently urges him not to worry.

"Why?"

"Because I make $1,000,000 a month," comes the response.

"OH NO!" the whiner says. "We're doomed!"

"No we're not" is the calm response of the first man. "I make $1,000,000 dollars a month!"

"How in the world does that help us when we're stranded?" comes the choked cry.

"Because I tithe 10% and there's no freaking way my pastor is losing all that money!"

I'm going to try to weave a thought with this illustration. It has nothing to do with tithing and everything to do with a seemingly unnatural lack of fear in the face of certain death. It is not about what we can expect for our actions but what we have been granted by the actions of another.

There are two types of people who don't fear death: The fool and those who are justified in Christ...and the fool is lying. Empirically, death is the mortal enemy of all and the implications of that enemy lead us only to a fearful expectation of judgment and raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. (Hebrews 10)

In a perfect creation, death could not exist simply because there could be no decay. The supreme existence could not by nature fall into ruin. In such a life, we would reap a consummate harvest from every ounce of labor we committed ourselves to. But in the circle of life of this world death is the rot that bides its time in the marrow of every bone. This rot of decay is thus our greatest fear because our mortality proves our brokenness and sin.

Enter glorification: It is the most generous promise offered by God, through Christ, to mankind for in it we have the covenant of a perfect renewal for all of creation. The hope of glory is our triumph over sin's curse of the flesh. So what is the proof of this hope? This is where the true circle of life makes its full turn. The mast upon which it rotates is greased by the Christian's suffering in this world. Thus we rejoice, for having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. (Romans 5)

The truest sign of the world's judgment then is this: That the Christian who suffers for righteousness' sake finds hope in his promised glorification and proves the condemnation of the world. To rephrase Philippians 1, "You are not in any way terrified by your adversaries, which is to them a proof of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that from God. For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake."

Addicts.

Two young women at my school are addicts. One thrives on anger and the other finds acceptance in drugs. How do I know this? They told me. Now for the story! My first meeting with them was detailed in a previous blog post titled "YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT"! After that encounter, I applied myself to pray for a conversation with the girls. I knew I would get one.

A couple weeks later, after school had been dismissed, Angry was standing at the corner waiting for her drunken father to show up. Seeing the chance to fulfill my prayer I approached her with the light-hearted comment, "I never got to introduce myself before yelling at you." I reached out my hand and she accepted it with a smile on her lips and a name on her tongue. Not what I expected! We only shared some simple small talk but it was a beginning!

I began seeing the two girls at school more often and gave a smile and "good morning" to them when I saw them. Knowing I didn't hate them, they returned the favor. This continued up until a few weeks ago when they came out of their class all riled up. I happened to be in front of the school and they walked my way with what can only be described as "the look".

Miss Addict suffers from what I can only be described as diarrhea of the mouth. In other words, she has no filter between her brain and her tongue. She immediately jumped into a conversation with me about all the problems she and miss Angry suffered from. This is how I came to know of their troubles. I listened and made some comments suggesting that I understood what she was talking about. In truth, I did understand, being a spiteful addict myself. I have been to group meetings to fight it. Maybe we will get into that another time! Suffice to say that my sins lined up very effectively with theirs. The girls went on their way after setting their dark, not-so-secret secrets on the table in front of me.

I prayed for them some more and today the addict showed up, sans miss Angry. "I'm moving to Tennessee," she said. Some small talk later, I simply said that I would, "pray to the Guy upstairs" for her. "Thank you" she said. Fifteen minutes later, both exit to the front of the school. Seeing them both together, I asked how anger management and the addictions were coming along. With a shrug and an "All right" I responded with a chuckle and told them a joke from Alcoholics Anonymous circles: You know you've only recovered from alcohol when you've given up the coffee and the cigarettes. I told them that I knew it wasn't going well because, no matter how much progress they had made on one point of anger or addiction, they simply fortified another segment of it. " 'Progress' is often a transfer from one bad thing to another" I said.

With agreement between us, miss Angry and miss Addict began to walk off. That's when I did it. That's when I tossed the subtle bomb at them with the comment, "You know, there is only one way that you can be healed." With a turn, miss Addict asked, "Oh yeah? What is that?"


"To know a God who can fix your heart."

"I need to have that," she murmured as she turned away.

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.
~Acts 4:12

What is "the look"?

This morning, at the high school I work at, I got what I call "the look." It happens at times when I catch the eye of a student. It consists also of a strange, relentless walk in which the destination is known but the journey is hesitant. It's almost a stagger with a zigzagging gait. It's the look of a person who is drawn to something outside of themselves. As a person, I am the destination but what they are drawn to is the love of Christ.

The student makes her way to me in this fashion and we strike up a conversation. Of course, I know full well where the conversation is going. It is where it always goes when I get "the look", namely, the love of Jesus. Always, these students are having home problems that, in some form or other, I have witnessed or been told of. In this particular instance, I had seen the girl crying after being shouted down by her mother over the phone the previous morning.

As she plants her feet on the concrete in front of me, I ask her how she and her mother are doing. "Not too well" she says, "and I'm feeling anxious and depressed." I let her know that I understand where she is coming from, having struggled mightily with depression in the past. I told her that the root of depression was anger turned inward and repressed. It was the result of unresolved issues and false expectations. I said that anxiety and depression were the byproducts of knowing, subconsciously, that I could never meet the expectations of others.

I asked her if she would have any reason to be anxious or depressed if she knew that she was loved unconditionally by God. "Would you be anxious about the expectations of other people if you really understood that you are approved by God already?" I asked. "Do you understand that you are beautiful and perfect in His eyes? Do you believe that He loved you before the world was created and knit you together in your mother's womb?" She nodded her head with approval and a smile and I sent her on her way to class after a few more minutes of conversation.

To all who are struggling with feelings of worthlessness and shame, depression and anxiety (as this young lady was) know that God's expectations for you have already been met perfectly in Christ. You are not made to perform before people but to be approved of by God alone. No matter what you do, there is no possible way that God could ever be disappointed in you as His child. Certainly, He may be disappointed in your actions! Still, the foundation of His love for you is the completed work of Christ on the cross. God even said, "This is my Son in whom I am well-pleased."

Whatever you fail in does not give your Father in heaven cause to love you less and whatever you succeed in does not give Him cause to love you more. His love is not based on your performance, but in His undeserved grace. As Hebrews 10:14 says, "For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified."

What kind of survivor are you?

Here are some quotes and videos of Gianna Jessen, an abortion survivor:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn from the weakest among us. And when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses. The Lord looks after them... It is the mercy of God that sustains you, even when you hate Him."

"Men: You are made for greatness. You are made to stand up and be men. You are made to defend women and children; not stand by and turn your head when you know murder is occurring and you do nothing about it. You are not made to use women and leave us alone. You are made to be kind and great and gracious and strong and stand for something because men, listen to me, I am too tired to do your job."

"Women: You are not made for abuse. You are not made to sit and not know your worth and your value. You are made to be fought for...forever. So now is your moment: what sort of people will you be? I trust Incredible."

"Politicians: You are made for greatness, now set your politics aside."

Socialism is stupid.

I attended the Escondido Tea Party today and after some debate with a few people about it online I had a few thoughts. In relation to a supposed survey by The Times that stated that people hate Socialism and yet desire medicare and social security when they retire, I wrote:

People aren't stupid. If they can get something for free they will usually go for it regardless of their principles. The problem is that we all continue to accept free "benefits" at the expense of others. If you work diligently in order to pay someone else to live off of you, you will no longer work so hard...especially if you can live off of another person's diligence! The enticing lie behind Socialism is that it sounds good in theory but destroys the spirit in practice.

Prayer request (updated)

We received word at the school of the latest news of our student Daniel. Please keep him in your prayers. Here is the latest word from his mother:

Dear family and friends,

Daniel’s journey has only begun it seems. Thankfully, the spinal tap went well with very little discomfort. Today was rough, however, as Daniel dealt with the effects of downing barium sulfate in prep for the CT scan.

The difficult news to share is that we received a call from the neurologist who reported the CT scan revealed multiple 3mm nodules in the lungs as well as a cubic inch mass in the area of the thymus which is most likely a thymoma. He said it is important to get Daniel strong enough so a pulmonologist can test/treat the nodules and that Daniel can (most likely) have the thymoma removed. Hopefully, we will get Daniel started on IV immunoglobulin infusions (2 hr/day for 5 days) on Thursday as that should help him regain strength. (The effect lasts about a month.)

We are finally getting answers…they are just hard ones to swallow. Daniel continues to be brave and trusting. All of us wish we could give him our strength, trade places, but wonder if we could handle it anywhere as well as he is.

It is of great encouragement and comfort knowing that you will be faithful to pray as God leads. We are indeed standing in the need of healing and an hour-by-hour, pressing-into-God kind of faith.

Dana and Becky

Daniel, Grace, Caleb, Delcy

Prayer request

Two weeks ago, a student a the high school I work at suddenly started having muscular problems. We just received this note from the mother of the student:

Dear family and friends,

God has been answering prayer. We asked that the neurologist would have wisdom, diligence, and a sense of urgency in getting to the bottom of this. We have seen that to be the case. After the EMG on Thursday, Dr. Sajagian was pretty confident Daniel has Lambert-Eaton Myasthenic Syndrome (LEMS), a neuromuscular transmission disorder. The “textbook” EMG results plus the symptoms/progression are consistent with this rare (especially in young people) syndrome. A specialized blood test needs to be done for an actual confirmation. There is concern, however, about how long that might take and what the underlying cause might be. Hopefully, the spinal tap on Monday and the fluoroscopy CAT scan on Tuesday will help determine the cause. The treatment options include plasmapheresis and/or IV immunoglobulin. Because of Daniel’s steady decline in muscle strength, he was started on medication to hopefully keep it in check. As we try to understand what is going on with Daniel and the possible outcomes, we continue to look to God for healing, direction, continual shoring up of our spirits and quelling of fears.

Since Sunday’s prayer time we have seen God’s mercy in so many ways. Here are some of them…

• The many, kind encouragements and assurances of prayer.
• Daniel’s sense of humor and upbeat spirit.
• Willing siblings who gladly participated in the big job of changing out rooms so Daniel can be downstairs.
• On Tuesday, a friend bringing us a very nice wheelchair the very day Daniel said he would need one. (The doctor suggested it on Monday, but Daniel wasn’t so sure.)
• Good buds at school who are looking after our Daniel, pushing him from class to class, decorating his wheelchair. (One sweet girl even attached a sign so Daniel wouldn’t have to continually answer questions, including “If you have the urge, you may push me to my next class.” J)
• A yummy meal arriving on a very full, tiring Tuesday.
• Carpool friends who are doing more than their fair share.
• The “coincidental” connection with the friend of a friend whose son was treated by the same neurologist. His physician father affirmed that Sahagian is known as “the best.”
• The focused prayer at Wednesday’s youth group. It was beautiful to watch Daniel Perumal deflect all attention from his own big news (accepted into the Air Force Academy!) to make sure that our Daniel was loved and supported.
• After 3+ hours at the neurologist on Thursday, arriving home to a fabulous dinner prepared by our dear Aunt Annette and Uncle Donnie. They have the gift of making any occasion special. It was just what we all needed to turn our hearts away from fears and worries.
• The promises and perspectives of the Word!

Your continued prayers are much valued as we walk this road. This week we are seeking God for…

• Peace and protection as Daniel undergoes more uncomfortable tests. (This last week’s 3+ hours in the MRI machine was a challenge!)
• Wisdom in decision making.
• Progress towards completely healing.
• Faith to confidently trust God that He is fulfilling His purposes.

So thankful for your coming alongside,

Dana and Becky

Birthday suit

A humorous take on Adam (the one who lived with Eve in the Garden of Eden) and how easy it was for the entire human race to fall into corruption comes from a surprisingly funny source. I've been reading the writing of a guy called "Doc Love" who editorializes for AskMen. In his book "The System" he states:

Adam, the first wimp, had his shot, missed it, and it's been downhill ever since. Just because a Kim Basinger look-a-like named Eve walked by in her latest birthday suit, he didn't have to slobber all over himself and beg to take a bit - of the apple that is! Adam knew they had it made in the garden; no pollution, and the best, no parking enforcement!

What Adam should have said was, "Eve, forget that snake, or forget me." He might have even tried bluffing. But Adam was "whipped," and the rest is bad history. You guys must never underestimate the power of a woman, even without a serpent.

The Roman philosopher Seneca stated that, "He who boasts of his descent praises the deeds of another." I don't mean to sound like a misogynist because Adam was fully responsible for his own actions, but look at how easy it was for our descendant, Adam, to fall from his lofty position before God! On the other hand, look at how difficult it was for Jesus to redeem those who would be called sons (and daughters) of God! In order to repeal Adam's disobedience when he bit into the apple, Jesus had to bite, swallow and digest sin, death and the grave for us. Are you the descendant of Adam or Jesus? Just something to chew on as you consider the truth behind Easter...

The government gets the jam and we get the jar.

Concerning health care "reform" my dad wrote a nastygram to his Congressman that I thought would make for good reading. He writes:

I just sent this to my Congressman, Martin Heinrich:

Including the government takeover of the student loan program is reason enough to vote against this so-called "reform." I vehemently oppose centralized government control of education purse strings, with all its implications. Further, the President's expressed desire to subsidize the education of those who go into the bureaucracy guarantees ever larger government and higher taxes on the productive to support it. But hey, it's important to spread that wealth around. Inevitably, such a system will be manipulated so that the nomenklatura get the jam and the rest of us get the jar.

I will be campaigning for your opponent in the fall.

I'm "privileged" to be on Mr. Heinrich's mailing list. In his most recent letter he said "I voted for the Affordable Health Care for America Act, also known as the House health insurance bill, which passed the House of Representatives on November 7, 2009, by a bipartisan vote of 220 to 215." Emphasis mine. Hey, as long as they're making the rules up as they go along, why not rewrite the dictionary. I sent him a nastygram over that one.

An ode to my grandpa.

My grandpa's grandchildren wrote down our favorite memories or thoughts to be spoken at the funeral service. These are those words:

Evan
"Every time I talked with Grandpa over the past few years, he would ask me two questions: 'How's my favorite red-headed Marine grandson?' and 'Do you have yourself a woman yet?' What had the greatest impact on me though was his relationship with his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Through all things, he desired to give me the hope he had in life and the eternal life he now has with Jesus through death. He knew what was important and I will miss him."

Arwen
"I know it wasn't until I got older that I really learned to appreciate what a hard-working, strong and loving man Grandpa was. At a young age, it was easy to interpret Grandpa's sternness as him just being mean! But now I know he was just holding us to high standards which he set for himself. He just wanted his grand kids to grow up to be decent, hard-working adults. He will always be one I look to in times of moral or physical crises."

Adam
"I will always remember Grandpa as someone very kind and generous. He always cared about and took great interest in his grandchildren. He was always willing to spend time with them and encourage them. He was always willing to spend time with me, whether hiking or learning about engines and wiring. I will miss him greatly."

Lee
"Grandpa taught me how to be a caring, loving man, and showed me the true meaning of love and devotion to your family. I thank God for giving us such a great and wonderful grandfather and for taking care of us all. We will all miss him but he will love in our hearts."

Matt
"I remember when Grandpa and Grandma were babysitting me. We were driving in the car and the window was rolled down slightly. My fingers were in the window crack when Grandpa rolled it up, catching my fingers. After disengaging my fingers, Grandpa felt so bad that he spent the day playing croquet with me and making me lunch. It showed me he cared about the little things and making things right."

Sarah
"Grandpa is someone everyone knew as a very generous man. He loved his family more than anything else, especially our loving grandma. I remember him telling me all the stories of when he first met her. He was very proud of his family. His legacy will live on in each and every one of us."

Zack
"I was a little kid when I was at Grandpa's house one day. he took me downstairs into his study where he kept all the model airplanes and trinkets he collected over the years. i had my eye on the small, camouflage plane for a long time and wanted to ask Grandpa for it, but was afraid to request it. Grandpa knew it was close to my heart though and offered it to me. I was so thankful for this gift because it showed Grandpa's loving and compassionate heart towards me."

Ryan
"Grandpa was always happy and very kind. He always said 'Keep up the good work' and he always listened and was interested. He was a great man and he loved God as much as he loved all of us."

Wyldlife

I've slowly been taking more responsibility upon myself to get my church's "Wyldlife" program up and running. Wyldlife is a Christian-themed youth group for middle schoolers who may or may not know the Lord. Accordingly, we mostly play games and goof around before sharing a quick Bible story or talking about Jesus. Then we head out to McDonald's for a night time snack.

The responsibility I have taken upon myself is that of chauffeur. I drive to a club house that the organization has within an apartment complex here in Escondido. I would expect that the majority of the tenants there are Hispanic simply for the sheer number of brown kids running around unsupervised while screaming obscenities and taunts at one another in Spanish. It was actually quite endearing and I found myself laughing in spite of myself.

I was surprised to see so many kids out and about by themselves simply because we're following hot on the heels of the Chelsea King and Amber Dubois murders. There was one kid nobody recognized who said that his parents told him he could go. I didn't trust him so I asked to be introduced to his parents. His brother and dad came to the door and the father asked only, "will he be safe?" What do I say to that? "Of course he will be!" are the words that came out of my mouth. I exchanged a handshake with this father whom I had never met and whisked his kid away to be brought back two and a half hours later.

My commentary on the entire situation to a friend followed along the lines of, "This would never happen in a community of white folks." I was left thinking that this cultural innocence (if indeed it is not laziness) was a good infusion into our own communities and I hope that a happy medium can be found where kids are safe enough to run around and parents are thoughtful enough to keep an eye on them sometimes. Importantly, this is what I hope Wyldlife (and Young Life) will be able to do within our communities because, truly, the groups are an engine meant to drive the Gospel of Good Hope and salvation through Jesus into the homes of those who have no hope. That is the only meaningful way to change our communities and our actions that get us involved prove that!

Amber Dubois and Chelsea King

My heart has been so troubled by the Chelsea King and Amber Dubois cases recently. To find out in the same week that both are dead is devastating. I cannot stop contemplating how painful and meaningless this life seems to be. There MUST be hope though; there has to be. I thought of Psalm 73 (especially verses 16-17):

¹Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.

² But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.

³ For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

⁴ They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.

⁵ They are free from the burdens common to man;
they are not plagued by human ills.

⁶ Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.

⁷ From their callous hearts comes iniquity;
the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.

⁸ They scoff, and speak with malice;
in their arrogance they threaten oppression.

⁹ Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.

¹⁰ Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.

¹¹ They say, "How can God know?
Does the Most High have knowledge?"

¹² This is what the wicked are like—
always carefree, they increase in wealth.

¹³ Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure;
in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.

¹⁴ All day long I have been plagued;
I have been punished every morning.

¹⁵ If I had said, "I will speak thus,"
I would have betrayed your children.

¹⁶ When I tried to understand all this,
it was oppressive to me

¹⁷ till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.

¹⁸ Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.

¹⁹ How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!

²⁰ As a dream when one awakes,
so when you arise, O Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.

²¹ When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,

²² I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

²³ Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

²⁷ Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

²⁸ But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

The search for Chelsea King.

A remarkable woman from my church wrote a very heartfelt message about the community that has mobilized to help the family of Chelsea King. It's something you need to read to see a semblance of joy through the sadness of Chelsea's death.

Hello everybody,

Clearly this family is on everyone's hearts. The news today has devastated a family and a community. I went to the prayer service at RB Community Presbyterian Church last night... it was very nice. Overall, seemed to be a real comfort to those who attended. My eyes (and heart) were drawn to the teens that were there, those who perhaps knew Chelsea personally. There were a lot of very, very sad hearts last night. Today, I'm sure, the grief is unbearable. Oh, Lord Jesus help us!

This morning, I received an invitation to go search for Chelsea... how could I not go? So I called in the "substitute" teachers (Arne and Margi), grabbed a water bottle, and headed to RB. The search effort was amazing... the volunteers were so organized! so kind! so grateful! so HOPEFUL! It really was an amazing display of support, sacrifice and love!

I don't have the exact quote memorized, but for those of you who have read Randy Alcorn's book, Heaven, he says somewhere in there that... this life here on earth is the closest thing that believers will experience of hell and the closest thing that non-believers will experience of heaven.

I feel like I was there today... experiencing hell and heaven... hell in the news of her body being found in Lake Hodges with all the awful thoughts that go along with the brutality of it AND HEAVEN in the kindness, goodness, and sacrificial love of these volunteers, most of whom were strangers to this family. Even the camaraderie that I experienced today with people that I just met (especially Julie and Lisa), unified for a common purpose, determined to help, was a taste of heaven. Despite the awful reason we were gathered together, we even had some laughter...

God is good that way... to give us joy in the midst of sorrow, to give us relief in the midst of heaviness, to give us glimpses of heaven in the face of hell.

I had suggestions from people that we could try to pray at the same time each day. While that certainly doesn't need to be the case, for anyone interested, I will plan to pray at 9am every morning for this family... Chelsea's mom and dad, her 8 year old brother, her extended family... and her friends.

God can and will cause good to come out of the evil.

LIGHT always pushes back darkness.

God's JUSTICE trumps man's inept justice...

My thoughts in the midst of a heavy heart,

Jackie

Life sucks and then you die.

Where we come from is a mystery and to where we will go is unknown. The only certain thing is that from dust we were formed and to dust will our remains return. The sinner seeks justice from his oppressor and the righteous man dies of a broken heart. For what purpose does the one who seeks goodness work for? Assuredly, he will die just as the sinner. The lazy gambler loses his money in life just as the diligent worker loses it in death. Whether we tarry or hurry, the pursuit of wealth is foolish for what it purchases will decay away. To seek justice is a fool's errand for the grave will catch all in it's insatiable embrace. Whereas justice is never fulfilled, the grave is never filled. Regardless of the goodness we seek in life, at death we bequeath all things to those who did not earn them. The meaningless nature of this life is found in death.

You ask, "but what of justice? Is it not good that we seek it while we live?" Foolishness! Have you failed to examine your own heart? A man cannot live up to even the standards he strives for! We are marked by failure and deserve judgment at every step. We miss the mark of living up to God's law and prove the impossibility of living up to the law of man. Even as a law unto ourselves we are riddled with imperfection. We hate the people who murder in hatred and put them to death in our very hearts. We despise the jealous and the proud and drop the anchor of haughtiness deeply in the harbors of our souls. The secret places drip with venom and stink with the rot of death even as we polish the facade that we present to the world. We are white-washed tombs that look beautiful on the outside and contain nothing on the inside but decaying bones.

You want to judge but are already judged! Judgment brings no hope. The world knows this to be true which is why many rally around the banner of hating those who judge. Do you not see? Even in avoiding judgment we make ourselves arbiters of those who judge! If we could avoid judgment there is still no hope, for existence is joyless when wickedness goes unpunished. This is the crux of the problem we face as humans. With judgment no man escapes the murder in his own heart and without justice the murderer goes free.

Can this possibly be the end of the story for us? What is our purpose in this life and universe if all paths lead to hopelessness and death? There is only one answer and it must be found in the life, death, resurrection and ascension of the king of all creation, Jesus Christ, who came to save all men from their sins! He is the "man of sorrows" who took the corrupted mortality of this life upon Himself to be with us. He walked in life among those who were dead to Him to serve their needs and take away their distresses. He came not to judge us according to our evil ways, but to be judged though His ways were pure and faultless. Open your eyes, sinner! The judgment you deserve has fallen upon the Savior of mankind! Seek out His forgiveness! In this way only can perfect justice be established for eternity. Judgment is passed, justice prevails, and mercy and grace reign in Him who is merciful and just to forgive. All who put their trust in Him will by no means be put to shame. Death has been swallowed up in life!

Love and sacrifice.

^{Hebrews 12:2-3}
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 13:15-16
Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

For the past couple months, I've been mulling over some things that happened during Christmas. I was given a deeper understanding Jesus' life while with my grandparents in Colorado. My grandpa is in his 90's and really falling apart. He's had a couple of bad falls (are there any good ones?) and his shoulder was the size of a grapefruit. His back and chest were hurting in a number of places, too. I found all this out within minutes of my arrival and my mom immediately gave me the opportunity (voluntold me) to rub pain numbing cream on his torso. Helping my grandpa in this way was definitely out of my comfort zone especially after a six-hour drive. Still, I made a joke with him that I would be willing to wash his feet also if he asked. When I said that, I was struck with the thought that, for the most part, true love does not simply encompass romance or constitute a feeling. Love is a means by which we often sacrifice our own comfort and standing in order to do what is best for others.

It wasn't my desire to rub ointment on my grandfather but when I saw the thankfulness in his eyes and accepted his profuse thanks my heart changed. God gave me a better understanding of what Christ did for all of His children. I had met his need and that was of great importance. This, in turn, helped me to appreciate all that my own mom had done for her parents. She was getting pretty worn out from spending so much time taking care of them. It was a little difficult because, in part, they realized the burden my mom and her other siblings were bearing and seemed of the mind, at times, that it might just be best to move on from this life. I'm not sure how much conviction lied behind my grandparents' words when they were briefly mentioned, but I knew that my mom needed encouragement to continue blessing her parents.

I was able to pull my mom aside one day and let her know that all she was doing was worth it. In her loving service, she was giving dignity and honor to her parents in a way that she herself had received from them when she was just a child unable to care for herself. She was also teaching her parents, who were no longer self-sufficient, that there is great honor in accepting unconditional love when it is offered. My grandparent's acceptance of my mom's free love offering returned dignity to her because, though giving a gift is wonderful, a person must still receive it with a full heart for it to have its complete value. She met their needs and comforted them and, in return, everyone was able to see the love of Jesus as though He were receiving our suffering and giving us His love at that very moment.