Kama Sutra...for children!

I remember when I was a young kid and I saw my first Playboy magazine. I was at the airport with my family. I had heard of the magazine and, of course, the pictures on the monthly covers were always provocative. I stole guilty glances whenever they came into view. This was before stores thought to put the black covers in front of the magazines and before they put all the magazines in sealed plastic sleeves. I waited for my parents and twin sister to leave the store and said I would be right with them. When they were just out of sight, I grabbed the Playboy and flipped through the pages as fast as possible. My only thought was, "How are her nipples so pink?!?" I am not happy to have that memory etched in my brain, though it is not nearly so bad as much of the sludge I desensitized it with later in life when I became addicted to pornography.

All of this flashed through my mind today while I was at Barnes & Noble. I've spent the better part of 17 years battling the images I have sealed in my mind. I was looking at board games when I took a casual glance to my side and saw the "adult" section. There were incredibly lustful pictures of outwardly gorgeous women on the covers that staggered me in my steps. One of the books in particular was about 4 feet off the ground and stuck out into the aisle. On its cover were a completely nude woman and man engaged in a sexual acts (Kama Sutra) and my only thought was of myself when I was a kid and how such images hijacked my brain for the better part of half my life.

I approached one of the store clerks and asked if he could find a more "proper" place to position the book. All he said to me was, "Yeah, we tried to move those books as far away from the kid's section as possible but YOU can put it on its side since it's bothering you." Goodness, in my flesh I would have rather bought the book instead of bringing it up to him! Still, I found it annoying that he turned the situation around on me as if I was the problem. His eyes seemed to scream out accusingly, "Of course it's completely natural to put sexual books at eyesight near the board games where kids, before their time, will seek to know just what the hell they're looking at!"

Many people like this man have decided that it is perfectly acceptable for kids to get an "education" in sexuality. I am here to emphatically say that it wrecked my sexuality and view of women and I have only just begun to recover. I wish I had never been given the opportunity as a child to sexualize women and see them as objects of my pleasure. I'm still not even sure I know what it means to be attracted to a woman apart from her looks. I've never been in love and I'm afraid of intimacy. I've cheapened sex as if it's only something that I can get as opposed to what I can give and I'm so sad and weary in my heart because of it. It's sickening.

But God, who is rich in mercy, has renewed me by the washing of His Holy Spirit. He has given me new eyes to look on women as creatures who are deeply loved in spite of their flaws. He has greatly healed my heart after I went hiding from love through deeply perverted actions and thoughts related to voyeurism, exhibitionism, homosexuality and pornography. I can't wait to get married someday and experience sex as God planned for me to: In a safe, caring and committed relationship with the love of my life. I deeply desire the opportunity to raise our kids and provide for them a spiritual shelter where they can take refuge in Jesus from the evils of this world. One of my most joyful thoughts is of my children loving Christ as their Savior.

So I am pleased to say that God has brought my experience full circle, from a lonely and wounded child furtively looking at a Playboy, to a sex addict, to a recovered addict and excited potential father. By God's grace, my struggle will not be that of my children. In spite of my sin, God has redeemed me and can do the same for you.

Promises are made to be broken?

"Promise Maker, Promise Keeper; you finish what you begin!" That's how a song by Kristian Stanfill called "Lord our God" starts. It helped direct me to a better answer to a question I had posited to some friends of mine a few nights ago. We were talking about the normal dialogue that arises almost every time we meet a new person and how we first almost always ask (or are asked) something along the lines of, "So, what do you do?"

In the sense that this question is inquisitive of a person's job I find it to be deeply troubling because we tend to equate it in some degree to the value of the person being asked. A person's worth does not come from the worldly position they hold! God is not partial that He would value an engineer over a janitor. However, if by asking what a person does we are speaking of the promises they make and keep we come much closer to finding out who they are. Indeed, I suggested that a good question to ask a person upon first meeting them would be, "Who are you?" So think about that. Who would you say you are?



A good defining answer (at least for the Christian) could be "a son/daughter of God" or "a new creation in Christ." Still, this answer is a bit ambiguous unless it reveals the character of the God that fathered and created us. God's character is revealed through promise keeping and promise making. I am reminded of Sanctus Real's song called 'Promises' in which we are admonished to "Just hold on to the promises [of God]" because "neither life, nor death could separate us from the eternal love of our God who made us!"

God's word is not weak that He would break it. As Numbers 23:19 proclaims:

God is not man, that he should lie,
    or a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Has he said, and will he not do it?
    Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?

God's word is His bond. So what does He promise to those who love Him? He promises to provide for our every need (Phil. 4:19); that His grace is sufficient for our salvation (2 Cor. 12:9); that He will never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5); that all things work for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). He also promises judgment for all who should deny Him (Numbers 14:22-23).


When He makes a promise, He binds Himself to the premise that nothing is more important than His word. Not even His life. The cross is our evidence that God does not simply make promises to us, but that He keeps them, though it cost Him all He has. How about you? Can you say with confidence who you are by the promises you make and keep?