The Cynic in all of us

Avoid cynical people. Examine your heart when you are one. To paraphrase Paul Miller and C.S. Lewis, those who think they can "see through" everything end up spending all their time looking at nothing. When all you ever see is an agenda, all you end up with is a bitter heart. Ironically then, the cynic's use of cynicism is a perverse lens with which to view the world. He looks through the colored lens for ulterior motives of the heart. Such terrain is not meant for our advances. The heart is God's territory. Spend your days in the presence of Jesus and His people who have an otherworldly hope. Consider His crimson stained glasses who, in perfect fellowship with His Father, "for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." The exhortation then for us who are in fellowship with one another and The Father is that, "since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith." LOOK to Jesus! Use His eyes of mercy and grace and a world of joy will open up before you as you bathe in His love.

Picture courtesy of: Holes Kaleidoscope Glasses by Pam Tietze

Kama Sutra...for children!

I remember when I was a young kid and I saw my first Playboy magazine. I was at the airport with my family. I had heard of the magazine and, of course, the pictures on the monthly covers were always provocative. I stole guilty glances whenever they came into view. This was before stores thought to put the black covers in front of the magazines and before they put all the magazines in sealed plastic sleeves. I waited for my parents and twin sister to leave the store and said I would be right with them. When they were just out of sight, I grabbed the Playboy and flipped through the pages as fast as possible. My only thought was, "How are her nipples so pink?!?" I am not happy to have that memory etched in my brain, though it is not nearly so bad as much of the sludge I desensitized it with later in life when I became addicted to pornography.

All of this flashed through my mind today while I was at Barnes & Noble. I've spent the better part of 17 years battling the images I have sealed in my mind. I was looking at board games when I took a casual glance to my side and saw the "adult" section. There were incredibly lustful pictures of outwardly gorgeous women on the covers that staggered me in my steps. One of the books in particular was about 4 feet off the ground and stuck out into the aisle. On its cover were a completely nude woman and man engaged in a sexual acts (Kama Sutra) and my only thought was of myself when I was a kid and how such images hijacked my brain for the better part of half my life.

I approached one of the store clerks and asked if he could find a more "proper" place to position the book. All he said to me was, "Yeah, we tried to move those books as far away from the kid's section as possible but YOU can put it on its side since it's bothering you." Goodness, in my flesh I would have rather bought the book instead of bringing it up to him! Still, I found it annoying that he turned the situation around on me as if I was the problem. His eyes seemed to scream out accusingly, "Of course it's completely natural to put sexual books at eyesight near the board games where kids, before their time, will seek to know just what the hell they're looking at!"

Many people like this man have decided that it is perfectly acceptable for kids to get an "education" in sexuality. I am here to emphatically say that it wrecked my sexuality and view of women and I have only just begun to recover. I wish I had never been given the opportunity as a child to sexualize women and see them as objects of my pleasure. I'm still not even sure I know what it means to be attracted to a woman apart from her looks. I've never been in love and I'm afraid of intimacy. I've cheapened sex as if it's only something that I can get as opposed to what I can give and I'm so sad and weary in my heart because of it. It's sickening.

But God, who is rich in mercy, has renewed me by the washing of His Holy Spirit. He has given me new eyes to look on women as creatures who are deeply loved in spite of their flaws. He has greatly healed my heart after I went hiding from love through deeply perverted actions and thoughts related to voyeurism, exhibitionism, homosexuality and pornography. I can't wait to get married someday and experience sex as God planned for me to: In a safe, caring and committed relationship with the love of my life. I deeply desire the opportunity to raise our kids and provide for them a spiritual shelter where they can take refuge in Jesus from the evils of this world. One of my most joyful thoughts is of my children loving Christ as their Savior.

So I am pleased to say that God has brought my experience full circle, from a lonely and wounded child furtively looking at a Playboy, to a sex addict, to a recovered addict and excited potential father. By God's grace, my struggle will not be that of my children. In spite of my sin, God has redeemed me and can do the same for you.

Why do you waste your time on me?

There's a particular student at my high school who has been on my heart for years. I knew her when she went to the middle school and often saw her in the office in trouble for one thing or another. She had a dead look on her face. I may have introduced her in an earlier blog but I can't remember which it was. In any case, my heart went out to her and I began praying for her when she came into the office or across my mind.

It is three years later and by the grace of God my prayers have been effectual to build up a friendship between the two of us. I have had the privilege of many deep and gratifying conversations with her in which I have played the roll of teacher, encourager, mentor and brother. All the while God has poured out His Spirit upon us in such a way that even though she does not know God, she sees the peace that resides in His character. She leaves our talks uplifted and thankful with a shining countenance. What in our conversations can act as such a healing balm? I asked myself this question during one of our last conversations and was struck with the simplicity of the truth. It is God' s kindness towards sinners that lifts us up! I made sure to emphasize this truth to her (and it's conditions which I describe in the last paragraph).

One time she looked at me with confused and troubled eyes and asked me the question from my title. "Why do you waste your time on me, Evan?" I think my facial expression mirrored her own because in no way did I feel as if I was wasting my time. I simply told her that I was extending to her the same love that God had extended to me when He forgave me of my sins. Still, to those who don't know God this love makes no sense. Love for one's enemies is never given apart from the love of Jesus. Not even in the best of families or amongst the closest of friends. People would beg to differ with my statement of course, but I offer up as my definition of God's love as, "a love that seeks to bless your enemy even while he is actively seeking to destroy you."

The source of her confusion came from a comment she made to me once. She said, "all people deserve love and respect." My heart seized up at that moment from her worldly statement. Though seemingly a beautiful thought, it was flawed in a critical way. I broke in quickly and said, "Wait, wait, wait, that's a lie. If you think everyone deserves your love and respect then you're telling me that everyone has done something to earn it from you. It is just a repayment of debt." Yet, when love increases, all good things seem to expand infinitely. This is why it can be said in the Bible of God's love that "where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

This leaves two choices: 1) Accept the love of God and know life perfected and everlasting or 2) Deny the love of God and know His fury and anger for eternity when He sends you from His presence. Scripture talks of this when it encourages us not to fear man who can destroy the body, but to fear God who can destroy both the body and the soul in hell. We are also told "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world yet lose his soul?" God's love is not unconditional in that it is not extended to anyone who turns it down.

What is "the look"?

This morning, at the high school I work at, I got what I call "the look." It happens at times when I catch the eye of a student. It consists also of a strange, relentless walk in which the destination is known but the journey is hesitant. It's almost a stagger with a zigzagging gait. It's the look of a person who is drawn to something outside of themselves. As a person, I am the destination but what they are drawn to is the love of Christ.

The student makes her way to me in this fashion and we strike up a conversation. Of course, I know full well where the conversation is going. It is where it always goes when I get "the look", namely, the love of Jesus. Always, these students are having home problems that, in some form or other, I have witnessed or been told of. In this particular instance, I had seen the girl crying after being shouted down by her mother over the phone the previous morning.

As she plants her feet on the concrete in front of me, I ask her how she and her mother are doing. "Not too well" she says, "and I'm feeling anxious and depressed." I let her know that I understand where she is coming from, having struggled mightily with depression in the past. I told her that the root of depression was anger turned inward and repressed. It was the result of unresolved issues and false expectations. I said that anxiety and depression were the byproducts of knowing, subconsciously, that I could never meet the expectations of others.

I asked her if she would have any reason to be anxious or depressed if she knew that she was loved unconditionally by God. "Would you be anxious about the expectations of other people if you really understood that you are approved by God already?" I asked. "Do you understand that you are beautiful and perfect in His eyes? Do you believe that He loved you before the world was created and knit you together in your mother's womb?" She nodded her head with approval and a smile and I sent her on her way to class after a few more minutes of conversation.

To all who are struggling with feelings of worthlessness and shame, depression and anxiety (as this young lady was) know that God's expectations for you have already been met perfectly in Christ. You are not made to perform before people but to be approved of by God alone. No matter what you do, there is no possible way that God could ever be disappointed in you as His child. Certainly, He may be disappointed in your actions! Still, the foundation of His love for you is the completed work of Christ on the cross. God even said, "This is my Son in whom I am well-pleased."

Whatever you fail in does not give your Father in heaven cause to love you less and whatever you succeed in does not give Him cause to love you more. His love is not based on your performance, but in His undeserved grace. As Hebrews 10:14 says, "For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified."

Life sucks and then you die.

Where we come from is a mystery and to where we will go is unknown. The only certain thing is that from dust we were formed and to dust will our remains return. The sinner seeks justice from his oppressor and the righteous man dies of a broken heart. For what purpose does the one who seeks goodness work for? Assuredly, he will die just as the sinner. The lazy gambler loses his money in life just as the diligent worker loses it in death. Whether we tarry or hurry, the pursuit of wealth is foolish for what it purchases will decay away. To seek justice is a fool's errand for the grave will catch all in it's insatiable embrace. Whereas justice is never fulfilled, the grave is never filled. Regardless of the goodness we seek in life, at death we bequeath all things to those who did not earn them. The meaningless nature of this life is found in death.

You ask, "but what of justice? Is it not good that we seek it while we live?" Foolishness! Have you failed to examine your own heart? A man cannot live up to even the standards he strives for! We are marked by failure and deserve judgment at every step. We miss the mark of living up to God's law and prove the impossibility of living up to the law of man. Even as a law unto ourselves we are riddled with imperfection. We hate the people who murder in hatred and put them to death in our very hearts. We despise the jealous and the proud and drop the anchor of haughtiness deeply in the harbors of our souls. The secret places drip with venom and stink with the rot of death even as we polish the facade that we present to the world. We are white-washed tombs that look beautiful on the outside and contain nothing on the inside but decaying bones.

You want to judge but are already judged! Judgment brings no hope. The world knows this to be true which is why many rally around the banner of hating those who judge. Do you not see? Even in avoiding judgment we make ourselves arbiters of those who judge! If we could avoid judgment there is still no hope, for existence is joyless when wickedness goes unpunished. This is the crux of the problem we face as humans. With judgment no man escapes the murder in his own heart and without justice the murderer goes free.

Can this possibly be the end of the story for us? What is our purpose in this life and universe if all paths lead to hopelessness and death? There is only one answer and it must be found in the life, death, resurrection and ascension of the king of all creation, Jesus Christ, who came to save all men from their sins! He is the "man of sorrows" who took the corrupted mortality of this life upon Himself to be with us. He walked in life among those who were dead to Him to serve their needs and take away their distresses. He came not to judge us according to our evil ways, but to be judged though His ways were pure and faultless. Open your eyes, sinner! The judgment you deserve has fallen upon the Savior of mankind! Seek out His forgiveness! In this way only can perfect justice be established for eternity. Judgment is passed, justice prevails, and mercy and grace reign in Him who is merciful and just to forgive. All who put their trust in Him will by no means be put to shame. Death has been swallowed up in life!

YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT!

Today, I was keeping watch out in front of the school when a couple of female students I recognized went walking by. One of them was on the phone talking to the person who was going to give her a ride home. Having seen her picked up by her dad before I assumed that she was speaking to him. Now, I'd seen her be rude to him a time or two before but it was only in passing and it was nothing like the belligerence she put on display today in front of her friend.

As she was approaching, I heard her saying in a steadily harsher voice as the conversation quickly developed, "Where are you?" A moment later she spoke with a vitriolic voice and I could almost taste the poison that dripped from her tongue. Her countenance was wicked, yet gleeful, for the pain she was willingly inflicting upon her dad. She said, "We're going to Taco Bell. Pick us up there" ...short pause... "GOD DANG! YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT!" Her phone slammed shut.

I was appalled and barked at her, "Hey, is that your dad you were talking to?" She gave and affirmative response and I quickly said, "That was shameful of you!" She didn't even look at me as she walked away but her friend tried to spit some sort of uncouth words my way before tapering off into a few sour glances.

I was aggravated for the duration of the morning for two reasons. Her father was to blame for setting up such lousy boundaries and she was responsible for her rebelliousness. What led to such a relationship between her and her father? A friend suggested that perhaps it was a powerful sense of guilt or shame on the part of the father. He may have done something terribly wrong to her in the past and, knowing his guilt, allowed her to get away with whatever she wanted. How terrible though. If that is the case, guilt obviously did not motivate him to love his daughter. In fact, by allowing her to live such a shameful life he was hating her.

I realized in my anger that I was not hoping for healing for the two of them so I began to pray that the Lord would reveal His loving-kindness to them. In so praying, I realized that my nature was that of the girl's to her father. I was living as an enemy to God, spitting in his face and defiling his goodness. Yet, he refused to allow me, as a wayward child, to live in such a wicked state. He was not ashamed of His own nature and He knew how to win my heart. He drew a boundary around me and said, "this far shall you fall and no further." Then He caught me in His hands and lifted me up. He taught me honesty to admit to Him my hatreds and misgivings and in so doing I learned how to trust in Him. This trust did not come simply because I could speak to Him, but because I could see His grace poured out into my heart. He did not allow me to continue to hate Him!

He called out my shameful behavior but, more than that, He rectified it. He brought light to my darkness and exposed my need. There was a dark hole in my heart that had sucked all the joy around me into it and dissolved it. In seeing this, I was left to stew in my own guilt and I KNEW that God was going to crush me. Yet, in His mercy as my perfect Father, God reached out His hands of blessing and offered to me gifts of a clear conscience, forgiveness of sin, peace of mind, kindness of heart, eternal life and a relationship with His Son forever. He simply asked me, "Have you learned your lesson?"

With my mouth wide open in astonishment, having expected judgment, I could only say, "Yes, Father. Forgive me." My life started at that point and the story I take with me from this time until Heaven will be one of praise for that gift of grace and forgiveness.

The judgment of Lindsay Lohan?

I just read an article about Lindsay Lohan and her father that really troubled me. Her dad has publicly denounced her with comments such as:

"No wonder why God is taking her entire career away from her, because she's forsaken everything He's given her and she's done nothing but misuse all the gifts she's given."

The writer reporting on this responds with appropriate sarcasm about the intentions and hypocrisy of her father when they write, "Following this logic, could another of God's punishments be giving Lindsay a father who is making a career out of trying to destroy his troubled daughter in the press?"

I'm reminded of a passage from Ephesians 6 where Paul is exhorting the followers of Jesus to Godly living between parents and children. He writes:

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother'—which is the first commandment with a promise— 'that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.' Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

The training begins with the parents, of course. They raise their children and are encouraged to do so with grace and mercy; just as Jesus taught us, His own children. A child does not need to be taught how to sin, after all, but must be trained in righteousness and truth.

In 1 Corinthians 6 followers of Christ are told not to bring judgment on their own outside of the church. We read, "If any of you has a dispute with another, dare he take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the saints? Do you not know that the saints will judge the world?"

What a wicked man to make a name for himself by heaping condemnation upon the daughter whom God gave him stewardship to raise! No wonder Lindsay Lohan is the way she is with a father who publishes their private conversations and shows by his very actions that he hates her! Why would she serve her father's god when it is apparent that his god is merciless and unholy? Who is deserving of the greater punishment? But you children of the Most High, remember even while you were still enemies of God and in active rebellion against His goodness that He came in the flesh to offer His forgiveness and love. It belongs to those who will simply come to Him for a relationship that will never fail because He loves us perfectly for who we are.

Isn't that love the sort that changes our hearts? For instance, imagine a disrespectful and hateful child on his deathbed for lack of a needed organ donor. The child, though spiteful, is terrified of dying. Yet, at just the right time, a person, seeing the need and not judging the child's nature, finds that he is a match and willingly gives the necessary organ to save the child's life. Can you imagine that child waking up from surgery and spitting in the face of his savior? Does it not seem that the child would be incredibly grateful instead and work to be pleasing to the one who saved him?

If Lindsay Lohan knew of the True God who loves sinners and transforms them because of His love would she not respond as one grateful for having a new life? But instead, she has responded to the cruel and unforgiving God that her dad represents and has run away from that terror! May she and her father come to know the grace and peace of God that transcends the rivalries of the flesh and brings reconciliation to those who are far off and lost.


Romans 5:6-11

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

"Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."

How NOT to preach the Gospel (Part 2).

In my first post of this series (a response to Mark Driscoll's tirade against abusive men), I gave some reasons to why his method is not an effective way to preach Christ's forgiveness. After meditating on how to share the Gospel with Christians who live in unrepentant sin, and arguing with some who believe Driscoll's method to be spot on, I have developed my argument more fully.

Preaching should include law and gospel (sin and grace), but where was the gospel in what Driscoll said? I'm really troubled that there are so many men in his congregation that live the way he says they do. Still, scripture, properly applied, does not simply mean yelling at people from the pulpit whether you are giving law and gospel, or not.

It is appropriate for such men who continue to live in unrepentant sin to be cast out after they have been properly confronted. A little leaven leavens the whole loaf! On the other hand, why is he not yelling at the women who stay in such abusive relationships? They are in sin that is just as revolting. Yet, the bar seems to be set abysmally low so that instead of encouraging women to be healthy and wait for godly men, he simply yells at the men for being ungodly. So how do we properly confront such people (men and women)?

Consider Matthew 18:15-17 and ask yourself if Driscoll applies it properly.

"If your brother [or sister] sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

That passage is directed towards individuals, is it not? The biblical way of pointing a man towards the grace of God is to direct him to see his sin through the lens of God's forgiving grace. This should be done firmly by showing him his fault while allowing him to know that he is still loved and supported. Importantly, loving support means that you do not accept a person living in destructive behavior. That being the case, you should send them from your midst when you gather if they don't repent.

If you preach sin and judgment without a gospel of grace and forgiveness you preach a crushing and unbearable burden upon the shoulders of people. Guilt brings death if it is not used to reveal God's love for sinners and forgiveness for them. I am concerned that many people who believe Driscoll was right in the way he addressed sin are suffering from unresolved and unrighteous anger towards abusive people.

How often have you talked with Mormons?

I've had the pleasure of meeting some very zealous and kind Mormons at Escondido Charter High School (ECHS). After getting to know them, we began discussing some scriptures in a small group earlier this week. One girl in particular was speaking with a friend and bringing up a passage from James 2 that states:

"What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead."

"But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead?"

I carry a small pocket bible with me during my work day so when the student being talked to by the Mormon girl asked if I had a bible I gave it to her...with a caveat. I brought up a passage from Ephesians 2 and asked if either of them could reconcile the two passages:

"And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others."

"But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."

Any useful thoughts before I post the rest of the conversation and more of my thoughts later?

To keep others from His love (part four).

This is the letter I wrote to a church concerning their practice of communion:

Dear Pastor,

I attended your service on Sunday, July 16 as a visitor and was thankful for your preaching. You taught very well of the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. I am close with many people in your congregation and their love for the Lord brings me great joy. It is also good that your church takes communion seriously and desires to protect those who would take it from eating and drinking condemnation upon their own heads, yet, I do not find the qualifications issued forth in the interview sheet entitled "Visitor Participation in the Lord's Supper" in scripture.

Thus, as I meditated upon your message of grace, I became greatly troubled over how I had been pulled aside to be interviewed on the issue of communion. I was told to avoid taking communion for lack of church membership though my conscience and faith says I may do so. The biblical qualifications for taking communion are a heart that is grounded in Christ and self-examined to determine personal worthiness according to the word and one's own conscience. The scriptures tell us in Romans 10:9-13 that,

"...if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ¹⁰For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. ¹¹As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." ¹²For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, ¹³for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.""

Also in 1 Corinthians 11:27-32 we read,

"...whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. ²⁸A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. ²⁹For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself. ³⁰That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. ³¹But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment. ³²When we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be condemned with the world."

With such a clear description of salvation and communion laid out, denying communion on grounds of baptism, church membership and a public proclamation of faith rings of taking people back to Mount Sinai (though public proclamations should be encouraged and baptism taught). Communion is not meant to determine who the sheep and the goats are but to have fellowship with our Savior and remember His love for us apart from our works of righteousness. Thus, I can find no where in Scripture where it is given to an elder to bind a person's conscience when we are told that whatever is not from faith is of sin. Your teaching was so good on Sunday that I have no doubt people should be able to make a well-informed decision about communion every Sunday. God alone judges the heart and allows for a personal choice.

Jesus offered Judas, His betrayer, communion. He was willing to share with the "son of perdition." He did not withhold the bread from the man who planted the kiss of death on His cheek. Scripturally, how do you get from Christ sharing the meal with His betrayer to a system of denying the meal to those who mirror Romans 10 and 1 Corinthians 11? Is it wise to deny communion when Jesus Christ Himself did not prohibit Judas? It is a burden of the law for one to add works of righteousness upon a foundation of grace that alone gives former enemies of God the right to partake in Christ's communion. Thus, we must "examine ourselves" based upon the scripture. If one is not a believer, has not reconciled with a brother or sister, or is living in unrepentant sin then they should be encouraged to refrain, yet even Judas could have refused the bread though it was offered to him. Again, it is not the elder's responsibility to determine the sincerity of a person's heart and so approve or deny the meal for God judges the heart.

Lastly, Satan is called the Father of Lies and his name means "tempter" and "deceiver." We must understand that a slave to such a swindler could easily fake sincerity in his/her interview or qualifications and thus penetrate the visible church. That person (a wolf in sheep's clothing) would be allowed by your policy to take the Lord's Supper because of three works (baptism, public proclamation of faith and church membership) and those who have been cleansed by the renewing of their minds would not be for lack of works. That is why partaking in the Lord's supper must be an act of faith, grounded in the word and ultimately informed by one's conscience.

Thank you very much for allowing me to write to you, Pastor. Again, I greatly appreciated the preaching of the word and the hospitality of your congregants. The Lord has obviously put His blessing upon the work that it has pleased Him to allow all of you to partake in. May we all continue sharing the good news of the resurrected Lord!

Your brother in Christ,
Evan Bryan

To keep others from His love (part three).

Though I have many disagreements over the church policy given in part two of this series, I will articulated only a few of them for now.

The governmental system of many churches is corrupt and Catholic in conduct. It places burdens of the law upon people and lacks grace. Elders have no authority that Jesus Himself did not use but claim to by their actions. For instance, whereas elders may seek to deny a person communion, Jesus GAVE Judas (the person He said would betray Him) the bread and wine. Jesus SHARED in communion with Judas (the son of perdition)! He did not WITHHOLD the cup from the man who planted the kiss of death on His cheek in the Garden of Gethsemane! The man was allowed by the Lord to eat and drink condemnation upon his own head!

Thus, as I understand it, we "examine ourselves" based upon the scripture and "eat and drink condemnation upon our own heads" if we eat the meal in an unworthy manner (as Judas did). It is a matter of one's own conscience. Nowhere does it say that it is the elders responsibility to determine the sincerity of a person's heart and so approve or deny them the meal. Read the passage from 1 Corinthians 11 for yourself:

The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, ²⁴and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, "This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me." ²⁵In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me." ²⁶For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes.

²⁷Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. ²⁸A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. ²⁹For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself. ³⁰That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. ³¹But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment. ³²When we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be condemned with the world.

As for examining others for communion it is important to remember that Satan is called the Father of Lies and his name means "tempter" and "deceiver." Who are we to think that a slave to such a swindler could not easily fake sincerity in his/her oaths of membership and thus penetrate the visible church? That person (a wolf in sheep's clothing) would be allowed to take the Lord's Supper and I would not, though I am a believer who simply, by my conscience, does not agree with membership. Yet, Jesus will build His church and even the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it! He has broken Satan's power.

Lastly, according to Romans 14:23, "everything that does not come from faith is sin." How ironic then, that in the very act of "protecting" those who would take the meal in an unworthy manner, some are encouraged to deny their own conscience! By my faith, I am clean and worthy before God to remember His sacrifice for me and eat the Supper. If you trust in the righteousness of Christ alone to save you from your sins and have a repentant heart then the meal is for you, as well.

To keep others from His love (part one).

I had a watershed moment in my life as a Christian today and what it means to be denied worship. For years I have supported organizations that provide for the persecuted church around the world. My favorite and probably most well known is Voice of the Martyrs. I actually got to visit their U.S. headquarters in Bartlesville, OK and meet their director, Tom White. He's the author of God's Missiles Over Cuba. My aunt who worked there introduced me to the man. It was quite an experience meeting someone who had been tortured in a Cuban prison camp for years simply for dropping Christian literature on the island. It is horrible that he was persecuted by non-Christians for his beliefs. How much worse is it when Christians try to deny the worship of other Christians?


I visited a church today and was told that I should not take the Lord's Supper because I am not a member of any church. I didn't obey the request and simply said that, according to my conscience, it would be wrong not to partake in the Lord's Supper and that regardless of what they believed I would take it anyway. To wit, I was told that I should, "respect the desires of the church" and refrain. What about their respect towards my conscience? Had I bowed to their pressure I would be sinning by doing something I thought to be wrong! I could only reply that I could not obey unbiblical desires of any church. The wine never tasted so sweet!

I'm reminded of the movie "Chariots of Fire" when Eric Liddell (a Christian running in the 1924 Olympics) is told by many of England's most powerful and influential men to run the qualifying heat for the 100 meter dash on a Sunday. He believed that doing so would be against God's law of resting on the Sabbath. When Liddell refuses these men, Lord Cadogen spits, "Don't be impertinent, Liddell," to which Liddell retorts, "The impertinence lies, sir, with those who seek to influence a man to deny his beliefs!"

As the situation is resolved and upon this vein, the Duke of Sutherland says to Lord Birkenhead, "The "lad", as you call him, is a true man of principles and a true athlete. His speed is a mere extension of his life, its force. We sought to sever his running from himself."

"For his country's sake, yes," responds Lord Birkenhead.

The Duke's final response is, "No sake is worth that, least of all a guilty national pride."

I find that, among many churches, the "pride" is not guilty so much as it is arrogant. It is similar to national pride yet infinitely more grotesque. Does it not serve to divide God's universal children? It reveals a gross split from the life of grace that Christ teaches and the life of works that is preached. To tell a man how to worship is to deny the condition of his heart and make him a liar. Christ changes us by writing His law upon the flesh of our own hearts and makes a broken and contrite heart an inward reality for those who love Him. Thus, obeying the law written on stone at Mount Sinai does not save; trusting in Christ who obeyed that law and gives us His obedience by coding it into us does.

It is so important that the gift the founding fathers gave us was the ability to live according to our own conscience in liberty, free from oppression. It is so easy for us to oppress! As for myself, my conscience is directed by the Holy Scriptures and I will spit in the face of any man-made institution that desires to add to or subtract from the principles upon which Christ builds His children.

I was shocked and incredibly angry from all of this but the Lord redeemed the experience and made it very good. I am blessed to be able to worship according to my own conscience as taught in the scriptures. The Lord's Supper is something amazing, for I am able to physically enjoy my relationship with the God of the universe. I have never truly appreciated the gift until today when others tried to strip it from me. Ultimately (learning from those who have been persecuted to the point of death), had they been successful, it would not have mattered. We feed on every word that proceeds from the mouth of God and the Spirit of the Lord is with us wherever we go. As Romans 8:31-38 says:

If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Click: Holding your heart in the palm of your hand (my first movie review).

After cleaning up the house in preparation for Mike's graduation party we sat down and enjoyed some hot Papa John's pizza last night. Mike hadn't yet seen the movie Click with Adam Sandler and Kate Beckinsale so Josh and I tried to finagle him into watching it with us last night. Not to be outdone by a mere mortal such as myself, Mike tried to persuade me to watch Rurouni Kenshin with him instead of Click. Kenshin is some sort of crazy anime Japanese show and he was on episode 40 or so. Why in the world would I want to jump in on episode 40? Don't get me started.

The persuading arguments drove us from the dinner table, to the ping pong table and then finally straight to despair. No, not really. We actually went straight for the ice cream and hookah and took the hookah downstairs so that Mike would have to follow if he wanted some. Smoking cheap tobacco makes a convincing argument I guess! Having seized the day, we started the movie.

I found the entire premise of Click absolutely fascinating. The main character, Michael Newman (played by Sandler), finds himself in need of a universal remote for all of the electronics in his house. He comes to realize this supposed need amidst the turmoil of an insufficient family life and a time consuming job that forces him to choose between his family and shadowy promises of future success in his job. One of my favorite quotes from the movie comes when Newman is grumbling about scrapping a long planned camping trip with his family to do some work. He says to his wife, "It's just every choice I make, everything I do, I disappoint somebody." His wife, Donna (played by Beckinsale), responds, "So maybe, you make sure you don't keep disappointing the wrong people!" Desperate to alter these circumstances, Newman actually desires a way to control his own personal universe. However, without a heart change, we see that, "Fear of man will prove to be a snare." (Proverbs 29:25)

Christopher Walken's character, Morty, offers Newman "control" with a "universal remote." In other words, Newman is now able to pause, fast forward and even skip entire "chapters" of life that are a nuisance to him. In these times his body runs on autopilot or, as Morty says, "The lights are on but nobody's home."

The remote consumes Newman as he fast forwards through sex, showers, arguments, sicknesses, traffic, etc. He is figuratively holding his heart in the palm of his hand and has the opportunity to live only in the moments that appeal to him. However, the remote eventually configures itself to Newman's desires by programing itself to skip to his previously expressed ambitions such as work and promotions. His life devolves into bullet points. The problem is that he believes he controls his heart but begins to find out that his intentions in life are self-destructive. His deceitful heart has actually enslaved him. He can recognize his selfish intent but he cannot deny it as the remote simply gives him his heart's desire. To wit, in Jeremiah 17:9, it is written, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"

Morty sternly warns Newman by analogy in talking about Lucky the Leprechaun and his Lucky Charms: He says, "He's always chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but when he gets there, at the end of the day, it's just corn flakes." Still, Newman believes his life's value is bound up in his performance at work and his salary instead of the content of his character and perseverance through adversity. He continues to shirk his familial responsibilities and goes straight for the ruinous rewards. Applied through scripture we read, "What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Matthew 16:26)

Newman eventually gets exactly what he wants from life. He becomes the CEO of his company and a multi-millionaire at the expense of a family that he wanted so little to do with. His heart has dominated him and stripped him bare of anything of true worth and value. He loses his wife, a relationship with his family and his life. Ironically, Newman briefly rails against the heavens and yells "why did you do this to me?" Yet, he has been given exactly what he wanted. His ruin is owned solely by him. As James 1:13-15 states, "When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."

Yet, all is not lost for Newman for he is aided by an outside agent. Morty (revealing himself as the Angel of Death) takes mercy upon Newman and returns him to the moment at which he sought the remote. By grace, Newman may start over with eyes to see how capable his heart is of evil. He is granted the gift of his life and restored, though he deserved no such thing. He is given another chance and his response to this gift of unmerited life is great love for his family. Should not the love of all who are "born again" be just as obvious? As it is written in Ephesians 2:8-9: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast."

Do not be fooled into believing that you can do any better than Newman could apart from Christ. Let the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ be your Good Helper and let Him bear your sins and burdens and give you life.

Hope amidst the hopelessness.

I have often wondered what the Christian church would be like nowadays if it were just coming out of the system of laws and ceremonies that God had established prior to the New Covenant. To be obligated to commit sacrifices for every personal sin at one's own expense would be a difficult burden to bear. Then to know that the high priest once a year would still have to go make intercession for sins by entering into God's presence behind the veil of the Holy of Holies... Where would our hope be? What would be the purpose of our sacrifice? All it could show us was our poverty of spirit. However, what else could give us cause to trust in Christ were we not destitute?

I would feel dispossessed knowing that there was no sacrifice capable of being given by me that would be able to cleanse me of my blood guilt. God desires mercy over sacrifice but I am not merciful. How great my need for a Savior Messiah is! To know that God looks at my heart and finds my sacrifice useless should be crushing but, Oh! To know that He looks at Christ's heart and finds him pleasing for us!

God, in love, gave His Son to be our scapegoat in order that He could bring to fruition His scripture in Romans 12:1 where it is written, "I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship." Through Christ's merciful and deathly sacrifice, we may now live mercifully: A sacrifice of life. We love because He first loved us!

Because of this love, I can share with you some bits of the horror stories from the Rwandan genocide and how God's love has enabled murderers to find forgiveness from God and victims to forgive those who murdered their families. These glimpses into evil (and good's power to overcome it) come from Christianity Today in an article entitled "Reconcilable Differences."

When the killings began, [Felicita] Mukabakunda, a Tutsi, hid in nearby marshes while [Marc] Sahabo and other Hutus went on their rampage. She overheard them say that they planned to take turns raping her before killing her. She also heard Sahabo say he had killed her father, her uncle, and four other family members.

[Surviving the genocide] Mukabakunda learned that 29 family members-including 16 brothers and sisters-had been murdered.

Felicita speaks of the hatred she harbored in her heart towards Marc and how she wanted him to die a "slow, painful death," preferably at her hands. Facing this hatred that works in the hearts of both groups of tribesman, Theo Mushinzimana, the in-country director of Rwanda Partners (RP) says, "When you have a Tutsi who has forgiven, this is huge. It's a process that requires great truth-truth that only God's Word can make possible."

A Rwandan Anglican priest by the name of Nyirindekwe Celestin tells of confession and reconcilitation only being possible through Christ:

It's very hard to forgive a killer. It takes power from above to transform a person. Our main focus isn't to tell people to forgive, but ot accept Jesus as their Savior, and let him transform you. Only then can you forgive.

One program of reconciliation invites the victims and perpetrators without either knowing that they will meet together face-to-face. It is part of the healing process as the victims are able to pour out 15 years of pent up hatred and, under the watchful eye of local police, takes most of the first day. The arbitrator of this program, Rugirangoga, says, "The killers do not say anything. They are insulted and spat upon, but they keep quiet, because they feel guilty, and they want these people to forgive them."

This takes us back to Marc Sahabo and Mukabakunda Felicita. Felicita was encouraged on numerous occasions by her brother to forgive Marc for the murder of her family. The soil of Marc's heart had been plowed by the Spirit and he came seeking forgiveness. He says, "My heart was changed by Jesus. I wanted to ask the victims for forgiveness, to tell them I was no longer the killer they used to know."

When they finally met face to face, Sahabo got down on his knees before Mukabakunda, folded his hands, confessed his crimes, and begged for mercy. Mukabakunda put her hand on his shoulder, looked him in the eyes, and said simply, "I forgive you."

Sahabo felt like he "just came out of a shower, a clean man, except it was like a holy shower, because I felt clean on the inside." For Mukabakunda, a heavy burden lifted, and the migraine headaches and nightmares she had suffered for ten years immediately disappeared and have not returned.

Marc and Felicita are now best friends and their families spend much time with one another. The two friends now ride a bike between villages sharing the story of the power of God's grace and His healing power.

"I'm not scared of him anymore," says Mukabakunda. "Without Jesus, I'd go back to hating Marc. But because of Jesus, I have forgiven Marc, and I love him now."

Emmanuel (God with us)

One of the teachers at the school I work at is a Jehovah's Witness and we've talked about the Scriptures and Christ a number of times. She's a fun person and I enjoy her a lot. She seems to enjoy our talks and my presence as well as she has invited me to a number of gatherings of the Witnesses. I have not had much experience with them other than what I have basically read and heard. Apart from everything else they believe (no matter how strange), the important difference between them and Christians is that they have a works-based religion whereas God is grace-based. I don't say this from hearsay but from knowledge I gained from attending their church last Sunday. Their sermon (they would probably call it a lecture) could literally have been labeled "Obey God's law because He commands it." Only lousy parents would give such a reason to their children to obey them. I can see it now:

Mom: "JOHNNY! You go apologize to Carla right this instant!"
Johnny: "But whyyyyyy mom?"
Mom: "Because I said so!"


God does not deal with such frivolous explanations. He focuses on the heart and changing it. He explains to us why we should obey Him. For instance, in many places all over the Bible His reason is basically, "because I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of bondage and slavery." Our motivation to do what is right is not motivated out of fear, guilt or confusion but out of gratitude for our rescue from slavery and death!

I was angry over the words of the lecturer simply because his teachings were so wicked and wrong. For him to teach in the name of Christ who alone was able to obey the law for us and then tell those he was teaching to do the same is like giving them concrete boots and throwing them into the ocean to swim. We live a life of GRACE! Our works are filthy rags and at best we are unprofitable servants! Nothing we can do will gain us favor or right standing before God. That is why it took His perfect life, unjust death and glorious resurrection to purchase our entrance into God's presence. Who wants to trade pearls for sand? Trust in God's grace and not in yourself and you shall find life.

Still, I was not surprised to hear the law preached and was trusting that God would provide me the opportunity to minister His truth. One of the students from the school was there and he came to say hi. We chatted a little bit, parted ways and then saw one another again on Monday when he came for class. He asked me what I thought about the church service and I told him that I was "disappointed." I was thankful that he asked why and then actually listened as I registered complaints against the teaching.

I took with him the position from Romans 7 that in living through Christ we are now dead to the law:

⁴So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God. ⁵For when we were controlled by the sinful nature, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death. ⁶But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

We bear fruit through the law keeping of Christ and the grace He showed to us when He gave Himself as a ransom for us. As children who put their hand in the cookie jar after being told not to do so, so are we before the law when it tells us how to live. In Christ, we are bound to righteousness through the power of His blood and no longer to sin that, through the law, made us unrighteous.

⁷What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet." ⁸But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. ⁹Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. ¹⁰I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.

The law was necessary to teach us of our own incapacity to be righteous before God. It was meant to drive us to the mercy which Christ provides. Without a code to tell us the proper path to walk, we would have no reason handed down by God to live a certain way and could not be judged as sinners. Paul, as Saul, found his righteousness through the keeping of the law and thus did not consider himself judged by it.

¹¹For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. ¹²So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. ¹³Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.

Sin had deceived Paul into believing himself blameless before the law and ultimately blinded him to his own spiritual death before Christ gave him sight to see. So the law is good because it reveals the heart of sin that is withing us. the punishment for sin is death and if we don't realize that we deserve such punishment then we cannot understand our need for Christ to supply our redemption. Either justice will find you, or you will find your shelter from justice in Christ who took your punishment. Either way, justice must be carried out. The law will be upheld by the sword and no one who is outside of Christ will be spared.

The next attribute of God I explained was that Christ is God incarnate. Anyone who knows a little bit of Spanish knows that "carne" is meat. Carne is a Spanish word derived from the Latin word incarnare which means "make flesh" and caro which means "flesh." Thus, Christ is the enfleshment of God. I said to Him that if you do not believe that Christ is God then you cannot be saved. In other words, if you don't believe God in the flesh who is with us then how can you believe God in the Spirit who is transcendent?

Praise God that we were able to speak again on Wednesday. He wanted me to bring Scripture detailing how Christ is God. I brought a lot. If you would like to read some of what I showed him then you can find it on this site: http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/jesusgd2.htm. We'll see where God takes it from here.