9-11 Reflections

I joined the Marine Corps after 9-11-01 to kill fanatical Muslims who wanted to die for a faith that professes to "love death more than we love life." Well, as the Marines would often say, "It is up to God to forgive and up to the Marines to arrange the meeting." That resonated deeply within me and gave me an outlet for the rage that consumed me in those days after nearly 3,000 people were killed. So off I went to the recruiter's office. How times have changed for me.

Many would say that my change was due to the resultant "mellowing" of one's nature as the years elapsed. I must disagree with that statement. Truthfully, I was adrift at the age of 19 with a religion that left me hopeless and seething. Anyone of a religion that is their own making will eventually come to such a conclusion. But now I have Jesus and He changes everything. It is written of Him:

"Remember that you were at that time se
parated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility."

I have since become a man more in touch with sorrow and grief for those who are perishing. As for God, it is my desire that "no man should perish, but that all should reach repentance" so, though I was again full of anger for the wickedness of the terrorists of ISIS, I was directed towards an approach of life-giving instead of life-taking. Don't get me wrong, their actions are deserving of death, but I began praying for the brutal men who found their sense of purpose in the slaughter of innocents. After all, was I not the same brutal man whose sin spilled precious Jesus' innocent blood on that cross? But God had mercy on me and gave me life. I must now do the same for God's enemies if I am to proclaim myself to be a friend of Jesus.

YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT!

Today, I was keeping watch out in front of the school when a couple of female students I recognized went walking by. One of them was on the phone talking to the person who was going to give her a ride home. Having seen her picked up by her dad before I assumed that she was speaking to him. Now, I'd seen her be rude to him a time or two before but it was only in passing and it was nothing like the belligerence she put on display today in front of her friend.

As she was approaching, I heard her saying in a steadily harsher voice as the conversation quickly developed, "Where are you?" A moment later she spoke with a vitriolic voice and I could almost taste the poison that dripped from her tongue. Her countenance was wicked, yet gleeful, for the pain she was willingly inflicting upon her dad. She said, "We're going to Taco Bell. Pick us up there" ...short pause... "GOD DANG! YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT!" Her phone slammed shut.

I was appalled and barked at her, "Hey, is that your dad you were talking to?" She gave and affirmative response and I quickly said, "That was shameful of you!" She didn't even look at me as she walked away but her friend tried to spit some sort of uncouth words my way before tapering off into a few sour glances.

I was aggravated for the duration of the morning for two reasons. Her father was to blame for setting up such lousy boundaries and she was responsible for her rebelliousness. What led to such a relationship between her and her father? A friend suggested that perhaps it was a powerful sense of guilt or shame on the part of the father. He may have done something terribly wrong to her in the past and, knowing his guilt, allowed her to get away with whatever she wanted. How terrible though. If that is the case, guilt obviously did not motivate him to love his daughter. In fact, by allowing her to live such a shameful life he was hating her.

I realized in my anger that I was not hoping for healing for the two of them so I began to pray that the Lord would reveal His loving-kindness to them. In so praying, I realized that my nature was that of the girl's to her father. I was living as an enemy to God, spitting in his face and defiling his goodness. Yet, he refused to allow me, as a wayward child, to live in such a wicked state. He was not ashamed of His own nature and He knew how to win my heart. He drew a boundary around me and said, "this far shall you fall and no further." Then He caught me in His hands and lifted me up. He taught me honesty to admit to Him my hatreds and misgivings and in so doing I learned how to trust in Him. This trust did not come simply because I could speak to Him, but because I could see His grace poured out into my heart. He did not allow me to continue to hate Him!

He called out my shameful behavior but, more than that, He rectified it. He brought light to my darkness and exposed my need. There was a dark hole in my heart that had sucked all the joy around me into it and dissolved it. In seeing this, I was left to stew in my own guilt and I KNEW that God was going to crush me. Yet, in His mercy as my perfect Father, God reached out His hands of blessing and offered to me gifts of a clear conscience, forgiveness of sin, peace of mind, kindness of heart, eternal life and a relationship with His Son forever. He simply asked me, "Have you learned your lesson?"

With my mouth wide open in astonishment, having expected judgment, I could only say, "Yes, Father. Forgive me." My life started at that point and the story I take with me from this time until Heaven will be one of praise for that gift of grace and forgiveness.

Hope amidst the hopelessness.

I have often wondered what the Christian church would be like nowadays if it were just coming out of the system of laws and ceremonies that God had established prior to the New Covenant. To be obligated to commit sacrifices for every personal sin at one's own expense would be a difficult burden to bear. Then to know that the high priest once a year would still have to go make intercession for sins by entering into God's presence behind the veil of the Holy of Holies... Where would our hope be? What would be the purpose of our sacrifice? All it could show us was our poverty of spirit. However, what else could give us cause to trust in Christ were we not destitute?

I would feel dispossessed knowing that there was no sacrifice capable of being given by me that would be able to cleanse me of my blood guilt. God desires mercy over sacrifice but I am not merciful. How great my need for a Savior Messiah is! To know that God looks at my heart and finds my sacrifice useless should be crushing but, Oh! To know that He looks at Christ's heart and finds him pleasing for us!

God, in love, gave His Son to be our scapegoat in order that He could bring to fruition His scripture in Romans 12:1 where it is written, "I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship." Through Christ's merciful and deathly sacrifice, we may now live mercifully: A sacrifice of life. We love because He first loved us!

Because of this love, I can share with you some bits of the horror stories from the Rwandan genocide and how God's love has enabled murderers to find forgiveness from God and victims to forgive those who murdered their families. These glimpses into evil (and good's power to overcome it) come from Christianity Today in an article entitled "Reconcilable Differences."

When the killings began, [Felicita] Mukabakunda, a Tutsi, hid in nearby marshes while [Marc] Sahabo and other Hutus went on their rampage. She overheard them say that they planned to take turns raping her before killing her. She also heard Sahabo say he had killed her father, her uncle, and four other family members.

[Surviving the genocide] Mukabakunda learned that 29 family members-including 16 brothers and sisters-had been murdered.

Felicita speaks of the hatred she harbored in her heart towards Marc and how she wanted him to die a "slow, painful death," preferably at her hands. Facing this hatred that works in the hearts of both groups of tribesman, Theo Mushinzimana, the in-country director of Rwanda Partners (RP) says, "When you have a Tutsi who has forgiven, this is huge. It's a process that requires great truth-truth that only God's Word can make possible."

A Rwandan Anglican priest by the name of Nyirindekwe Celestin tells of confession and reconcilitation only being possible through Christ:

It's very hard to forgive a killer. It takes power from above to transform a person. Our main focus isn't to tell people to forgive, but ot accept Jesus as their Savior, and let him transform you. Only then can you forgive.

One program of reconciliation invites the victims and perpetrators without either knowing that they will meet together face-to-face. It is part of the healing process as the victims are able to pour out 15 years of pent up hatred and, under the watchful eye of local police, takes most of the first day. The arbitrator of this program, Rugirangoga, says, "The killers do not say anything. They are insulted and spat upon, but they keep quiet, because they feel guilty, and they want these people to forgive them."

This takes us back to Marc Sahabo and Mukabakunda Felicita. Felicita was encouraged on numerous occasions by her brother to forgive Marc for the murder of her family. The soil of Marc's heart had been plowed by the Spirit and he came seeking forgiveness. He says, "My heart was changed by Jesus. I wanted to ask the victims for forgiveness, to tell them I was no longer the killer they used to know."

When they finally met face to face, Sahabo got down on his knees before Mukabakunda, folded his hands, confessed his crimes, and begged for mercy. Mukabakunda put her hand on his shoulder, looked him in the eyes, and said simply, "I forgive you."

Sahabo felt like he "just came out of a shower, a clean man, except it was like a holy shower, because I felt clean on the inside." For Mukabakunda, a heavy burden lifted, and the migraine headaches and nightmares she had suffered for ten years immediately disappeared and have not returned.

Marc and Felicita are now best friends and their families spend much time with one another. The two friends now ride a bike between villages sharing the story of the power of God's grace and His healing power.

"I'm not scared of him anymore," says Mukabakunda. "Without Jesus, I'd go back to hating Marc. But because of Jesus, I have forgiven Marc, and I love him now."