The latest school shooting.

I was talking about the elementary school massacre with my parents tonight, heard my voice rise, felt my anger mounting and sensed my frustration spilling over. So I did what any man will do. I talked about what's wrong with "the system". I broke down, point by point, why the system is inadequate to protect our children.

"Our schools are 'gun free'" the system says! "But that only applies to those who choose to obey it," I reply.

"We have 100% ID check in the front office of the campus," boasts the system! "But what of those who have no intention of revealing their identity?"

"We've developed new 'lock down' procedures to keep the bad people out," we hear. "But doesn't that only go into effect once the bad people are in?"

I remembered my time as a security guard at Escondido Charter High School. Some students and parents would never trust me with a weapon. It was hard enough to carry pepper spray without having to justify myself. The word "security" on my back felt more like a target, at times. Then I would see the Brinks armored car drive up. Two serious looking men with guns strapped to their hips were always present. So I started to question more. Why do we trust security to protect our money that is only worth as much as people believe it to be worth? Why don't we trust guards to be armed around our children who are priceless and have inherent worth? The logical questions from there were, what do we value? Are our priorities mixed up?

These thoughts didn't help me. Well, they certainly "helped" my sense of helplessness. The children in Connecticut are dead. I can't bring them back. Their families are far away. I can't provide them comfort. The murderer is finished. I could not kill him. I could offer no protection against him.

So I found that the real source of my anger was not "the system" but my impotence. My inability to affect change. My incapacity to provide comfort. Where do I go from here? Then I remembered. I recalled why I stayed at the high school for so many years. I was not there to protect. I was not there to comfort. I was not there to exact vengeance. I was not there to save. No, I was there to point those kids to who their protection was. Who the provider of their comfort and hope could be. Who the avenger of those who had visited iniquity upon them was. The man who is the wellspring of salvation and forgiver of sins. The lover of our souls. The living God. Jesus.

I can't destroy the evil that took so many young lives today but I know the God who can. Vengeance is His and He will have it. Most importantly, comfort is in Him and He will give it. We are His children and He loves our souls far more than we could ever love the souls of those children who perished today. We have the proof of His love too. We have so much sin. Someone had to die for it. God came down to earth as a fragile human and died for our sins in our place so that we might turn to Him and love Him and know that, though this life will end, we will live forever with Jesus and all who put their trust in Him. If we believe that then we can know that the evil this man committed himself to today will be used by God, somehow, for good. In the end, love wins.

Protection of money or life?

I found the picture for my blog here: http://mediocracy.us/category/hypocrisy/

In a macabre display of worldly hypocrisy I watched the Brinks armored car pull up to the school today. Out came an armed security guard carrying his money bag inside while the armed driver kept a close watch. Apparently, they weren't told that our school is a "gun-free zone" as are all public school in California.

There I was in the front of the school with a badge clearly stating "security" on it and a small self-defense pepper sprayer on my hip. My jaw went slack for a moment as I realized the implications of what I was seeing. Here I was as a security guard at a school in charge of protecting hundreds of students and, though I am qualified to own a gun, I was not allowed, by law, to keep it on my person outside of the home. So why can someone in charge of hundreds of thousands of dollars in actual money pack heat to protect the greenbacks in his possession?

This small act proved to me that society, as a whole, believes that money is worth more than the people who eventually produce the capital to make it. We potentially sacrifice our future growth and prosperity by not adequately defending our children while we simultaneously protect something that is worth far less. Money's worth is found only in the strength of the government promise that backs it. A person has worth invested in them by others who sacrifice of themselves to build them up.

We should not have the expectation of making a sacrifice of death to uphold life especially when it is within our ability to provide safety. A few people wanting to burying their heads in the sand and calling a place "gun-free" does not a "gun-free" place make. It just means that those who have the guns and the desire to use them nefariously will detect no threat in bringing them into the gun-free zone. At that point, the badge on my arm will no longer mean "security" but instead "shoot me first." It is a sacrifice I will hopefully be willing to make if I am called to do so and, by God's grace, I will be allowed to defend the lives of those students who have been entrusted into my care.

I am grateful that at the end of the day I do not have to worry about such things as death. My God invested me with great worth that will never perish. It was granted to me by the incorruptible blood of Christ that washed away my sins. I have gained worth from the sacrifice of Christ and if I am able to sacrifice of myself to prove to others that they too have worth then I will be thankful for the opportunity. My hope is found in these words and I encourage you to read them carefully and meditate upon them:

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls."