Life is so full of inspiration when The Spirit of The Lord is dwelling in your heart! Today I just have to brag on Jesus for a bit as He really blessed me with the love of a friend who has very little life left to her. Her name is Delphia and she lives at a care clinic here in Escondido. Jesus blessed me with her as friend after my old office manager (Delphia's daughter) told her about me and my faith. Being a Christian and desiring more company, she asked her daughter if I would be willing to come visit her. I agreed to the proposition with the thought that such occurrences happen rarely in life. When The Spirit offers such an opportunity on a silver platter it is best to take it!
I wanted to befriend and serve this woman with the desire to bless her. It is easy as a young, 32-year-old man, to believe that the blessings would be a one way street. After all, what can an old woman who pees in her pants and can barely walk anymore do for someone who seemingly has his entire life before him? Whereas her talk is about whether or not to get a catheter and how much longer her cancer will permit her to have, mine is about mission trips to Utah and beginning massage therapy school. But these comparisons show the limit of what the world offers. We can call them "circumstances" (whether good or bad). Such worldly vanity is where the flesh stops and God takes over. He is not the God of circumstances and He was desiring to show me that I was not there to bless her so much as we were put into one another's lives to bless one another and ultimately give Him the glory of sacrificial love.
I was relating to Delphia some stories about a remarkable woman I knew and gearing myself up for the pious platitudes most old people (ok, almost all people) say when an eligible bachelor or bachelorette is speaking about the matters of the heart in relation to the opposite sex. My favorite such platitudes are, "Don't worry! You'll find someone when the time is right!" Or, "Keep putting yourself out there!" Or, "You're such a good person! I'm sure someone will come along soon and you'll snatch her right up!"
As if meeting the "right woman" is a matter of chance, my desire, my goodness, or my willingness to exert myself!
She spoke no such thing, however, but stopped me dead in my tracks after I said "I think I'm almost ready to meet someone." She simply replied, "No. It is not about when you are ready but when God is ready." Her wisdom cut to my heart because she not so subtly suggested that my pursuit of God was of ultimate importance. Seek first the Kingdom of God and all things will be added to you, as the scripture says. It was a breath of fresh air to have the guard around my heart pierced and find that my words had been used frivolously. Oh, that we would all seek to find and impart wisdom as if it were buried treasure! Her comment ended with a word of compassion that spoke to her own personal struggles. "Wait upon the Lord".
Neither of us knew where that scripture was exactly (indeed, it is all over the scriptures), but upon hearing I considered what I wanted to read to her from the Bible and settled on Psalm 27 as one of my favorite verses comes from King David's heart of hearts. He writes simply:
One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire in his temple.
Great blessings and delight came at the end of the psalm, however:
WAIT FOR THE LORD;
be strong and let your heart take courage;
WAIT FOR THE LORD!
Delphia and I laughed and laughed. We also cried. How good was God in that moment though? Delphia was so burdened with the meaning of her life, being effectively restricted to a hospital bed. "Wait upon Me" was all Jesus wanted her to hear. I was bringing attention to myself and my own plans and all Jesus wanted me to hear was, "Let me bless you in my time. I am so good and I love you so much. Receive the fullness of My joy!"
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Proverbs 6
There are six things the Lord hates,
seven that are detestable to him:
haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
a false witness who pours out lies
and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.
Community. God hates its destruction. He instituted community in a specific fashion to bless and protect his people. This protection acts not only to restore those who have been hurt by others but also to restrain behavior that would lead to that wounding. We can be hurt by multiple sources: The world, with its constant grinding and hopelessness, people, who bite and devour one another and Satan, the destroyer and deceiver. We can be responsible only for ourselves and the way we offer ourselves to others.
We can use the proverb above as a template to see what our relationship to the community is, for the seventh thing God hates relates perfectly to the first six. No community of people, whether believers or not (but especially believers) will ever be strong when riven by haughtiness, lying, blood letting, scheming, evil, gossip, and belligerency.
This desire should produce in the children of God a strong desire for the gospel. The desired (if not always realized) expectation of community is that it be a place of love and grace; a place of healing and comfort. The gospel should bring about a desire for reconciliation and, indeed, Jesus takes His children out of this world and places them in community. We are one body, bound together by ligaments and sinews of love and grace. Let us seek one another out and express such a love!
There are six things the Lord hates,
seven that are detestable to him:
haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
a false witness who pours out lies
and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.
Community. God hates its destruction. He instituted community in a specific fashion to bless and protect his people. This protection acts not only to restore those who have been hurt by others but also to restrain behavior that would lead to that wounding. We can be hurt by multiple sources: The world, with its constant grinding and hopelessness, people, who bite and devour one another and Satan, the destroyer and deceiver. We can be responsible only for ourselves and the way we offer ourselves to others.
We can use the proverb above as a template to see what our relationship to the community is, for the seventh thing God hates relates perfectly to the first six. No community of people, whether believers or not (but especially believers) will ever be strong when riven by haughtiness, lying, blood letting, scheming, evil, gossip, and belligerency.
This desire should produce in the children of God a strong desire for the gospel. The desired (if not always realized) expectation of community is that it be a place of love and grace; a place of healing and comfort. The gospel should bring about a desire for reconciliation and, indeed, Jesus takes His children out of this world and places them in community. We are one body, bound together by ligaments and sinews of love and grace. Let us seek one another out and express such a love!
Friday, February 7, 2014
Freely accepting gifts with true humility
Love and acceptance are not cheap that they should be found in the arms of that which has no life. They are priceless gifts. Though we know this truth, we constantly turn from it, trusting instead in the things that are made to fulfill us. We desire worldly things that propagate the status-quo of a guilty conscience. Indeed, such selfishness demands no change from us and has no expectations. It is self-pleasing to a fault and yet gives birth to death for its lack of honor. It kills the spirit of a man.
Mankind is a pitiable lot; full of foolishness. We are fickle and double-minded even towards those gifts which give us peace and joy. The Christian is by no means safe from this. So often is he prone to see himself as the undeserving yet guilty recipient of a gift that, in its majesty and liberty, comes the fullness of "being." Yet, the acceptance of a gift on the part of the recipient has nothing to do with what that person deserves, but rather has everything to do with the generosity of the giver. We should not feel shame when given the greatest of unearned gifts! I obviously speak of the gift of grace which, by definition, is unearned forgiveness. This gift is only understood by faith, through humility, in a personal relationship with the Gift-Giver. Thus, knowing our shortcomings is important, but knowing Jesus who freely forgives us for them by His grace is the pinnacle of our created purpose.
Mankind is a pitiable lot; full of foolishness. We are fickle and double-minded even towards those gifts which give us peace and joy. The Christian is by no means safe from this. So often is he prone to see himself as the undeserving yet guilty recipient of a gift that, in its majesty and liberty, comes the fullness of "being." Yet, the acceptance of a gift on the part of the recipient has nothing to do with what that person deserves, but rather has everything to do with the generosity of the giver. We should not feel shame when given the greatest of unearned gifts! I obviously speak of the gift of grace which, by definition, is unearned forgiveness. This gift is only understood by faith, through humility, in a personal relationship with the Gift-Giver. Thus, knowing our shortcomings is important, but knowing Jesus who freely forgives us for them by His grace is the pinnacle of our created purpose.
Limiting our freedom to find liberty
Some time ago I watched "John Adams", an HBO miniseries documenting the fascinating life of one of our country's Founders and second President of the United States. He is shown as an honorable man who sacrifices his own creature comforts, family life, fortune, etc. in order to "establish a more perfect union" based on the pursuit of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness".
In light of Adams' actions, I started thinking of a statement I heard often when I was younger. It was said that "Freedom isn't free" and it always made me take in a deep breath and consider those who had sacrificed their all. At a young age my patriotism (like many important things in early life) was only an uninformed feeling. I could not define "freedom". While pondering this idea I would come across definitions that did seem important, though limited. People would tell me that they were free to be able to drive between states without showing their papers. They were free to go out to the movies late at night. The one that takes the cake while perusing my memory banks is the classic statement of delinquent youth, however, to justify belligerency. After displaying a vulgar or uncouth attitude, I would often hear that it was one's right because "It's a free country".
This begs the question as to what the foundation of freedom is. If it is sacrificial then it finds its basis in morality as opposed to a natural "winner take all" mentality. If freedom is simply doing what one wants to do then we are no better than animals. Not many people would desire to make the case that animals have moral agency. Indeed, the moral person diminishes himself so that others can increase. He helps the needy and comforts the distressed. For instance, a drug addict who chooses to enroll himself in rehab is exercising his liberty by giving others control of a part of his life. His good works may start simply from constraining his ability to commit to bad ones. An indebted person who cuts up his credit cards does the same. On a deeper level, a married couple gives up their single rights and when they have kids they sacrifice their time alone. Freedom is not a license for anarchy. As shown above, some of the greatest freedoms come in willingly limiting ourselves and lifting others up.
In light of Adams' actions, I started thinking of a statement I heard often when I was younger. It was said that "Freedom isn't free" and it always made me take in a deep breath and consider those who had sacrificed their all. At a young age my patriotism (like many important things in early life) was only an uninformed feeling. I could not define "freedom". While pondering this idea I would come across definitions that did seem important, though limited. People would tell me that they were free to be able to drive between states without showing their papers. They were free to go out to the movies late at night. The one that takes the cake while perusing my memory banks is the classic statement of delinquent youth, however, to justify belligerency. After displaying a vulgar or uncouth attitude, I would often hear that it was one's right because "It's a free country".
This begs the question as to what the foundation of freedom is. If it is sacrificial then it finds its basis in morality as opposed to a natural "winner take all" mentality. If freedom is simply doing what one wants to do then we are no better than animals. Not many people would desire to make the case that animals have moral agency. Indeed, the moral person diminishes himself so that others can increase. He helps the needy and comforts the distressed. For instance, a drug addict who chooses to enroll himself in rehab is exercising his liberty by giving others control of a part of his life. His good works may start simply from constraining his ability to commit to bad ones. An indebted person who cuts up his credit cards does the same. On a deeper level, a married couple gives up their single rights and when they have kids they sacrifice their time alone. Freedom is not a license for anarchy. As shown above, some of the greatest freedoms come in willingly limiting ourselves and lifting others up.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Why I 'need' a woman.
I was walking on Cal State's campus today feeling like a curious love child of a bobble head and a whip lash victim. My neck is frustratingly set on a swivel that is connected to some sort of woman-sensing radar. My eyes scan and my neck jerks to a target. It's a habit years in the making that has proven incredibly difficult to deal with. I find that I do this even when I really don't want to. It is ingrained in me. My behavior is second nature, as if programmed. Pertaining to this habit, a particularly distressing aspect of my character was revealed to me today.
I will often look at a woman's eyes as she walks towards me. I often have sunglasses on so she can't tell. I realize this makes me sound like a creeper but bear with me (we are all of us creepers). This touches on a deep seated need of acceptance for me. It hit me that if I catch a woman glancing my way then she is approving of me. In other words, there is something about me that is worthy of her attention. Yet if everything happens as I desire it to, I find that it never leaves me feeling accepted for more than a few moments and simply gives me a short lived burst of pride and egotism. My pride proclaims me King of the Hill when reality has set my foot on a grain of sand.
What a valuable lesson this was for me though! I do have a need for acceptance. We all do. Everyone proclaims the virtue of selfless love and acceptance of others' faults. But this only reveals how terrible we are at filling that need for one another. I'm looking to steal a passing glance when Jesus gave me His everlasting attention on the cross! He limped to His death for me so I could stride into His glorious life! God was saying to me in three different ways that He has set the fullness of His gaze upon me with mercy and acceptance:
First truth: God has said to me, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you." (Psalm 32:8)
Second truth: Wisdom cries out that, "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry." (Psalm 34:15)
Third truth: The Spirit speaks to our hearts and says, "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace."(Numbers 6:24-26)
I need to hear those truths that God will teach me, bear with me and bless me because I am a weak willed, fragile and small creature. You need to know that God will be with you too. In the hands of our Redeemer, nothing is wasted.
I will often look at a woman's eyes as she walks towards me. I often have sunglasses on so she can't tell. I realize this makes me sound like a creeper but bear with me (we are all of us creepers). This touches on a deep seated need of acceptance for me. It hit me that if I catch a woman glancing my way then she is approving of me. In other words, there is something about me that is worthy of her attention. Yet if everything happens as I desire it to, I find that it never leaves me feeling accepted for more than a few moments and simply gives me a short lived burst of pride and egotism. My pride proclaims me King of the Hill when reality has set my foot on a grain of sand.
What a valuable lesson this was for me though! I do have a need for acceptance. We all do. Everyone proclaims the virtue of selfless love and acceptance of others' faults. But this only reveals how terrible we are at filling that need for one another. I'm looking to steal a passing glance when Jesus gave me His everlasting attention on the cross! He limped to His death for me so I could stride into His glorious life! God was saying to me in three different ways that He has set the fullness of His gaze upon me with mercy and acceptance:
Second truth: Wisdom cries out that, "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry." (Psalm 34:15)
Third truth: The Spirit speaks to our hearts and says, "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace."(Numbers 6:24-26)
I need to hear those truths that God will teach me, bear with me and bless me because I am a weak willed, fragile and small creature. You need to know that God will be with you too. In the hands of our Redeemer, nothing is wasted.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Kama Sutra...for children!
I remember when I was a young kid and I saw my first Playboy magazine. I was at the airport with my family. I had heard of the magazine and, of course, the pictures on the monthly covers were always provocative. I stole guilty glances whenever they came into view. This was before stores thought to put the black covers in front of the magazines and before they put all the magazines in sealed plastic sleeves. I waited for my parents and twin sister to leave the store and said I would be right with them. When they were just out of sight, I grabbed the Playboy and flipped through the pages as fast as possible. My only thought was, "How are her nipples so pink?!?" I am not happy to have that memory etched in my brain, though it is not nearly so bad as much of the sludge I desensitized it with later in life when I became addicted to pornography.
All of this flashed through my mind today while I was at Barnes & Noble. I've spent the better part of 17 years battling the images I have sealed in my mind. I was looking at board games when I took a casual glance to my side and saw the "adult" section. There were incredibly lustful pictures of outwardly gorgeous women on the covers that staggered me in my steps. One of the books in particular was about 4 feet off the ground and stuck out into the aisle. On its cover were a completely nude woman and man engaged in a sexual acts (Kama Sutra) and my only thought was of myself when I was a kid and how such images hijacked my brain for the better part of half my life.
I approached one of the store clerks and asked if he could find a more "proper" place to position the book. All he said to me was, "Yeah, we tried to move those books as far away from the kid's section as possible but YOU can put it on its side since it's bothering you." Goodness, in my flesh I would have rather bought the book instead of bringing it up to him! Still, I found it annoying that he turned the situation around on me as if I was the problem. His eyes seemed to scream out accusingly, "Of course it's completely natural to put sexual books at eyesight near the board games where kids, before their time, will seek to know just what the hell they're looking at!"
Many people like this man have decided that it is perfectly acceptable for kids to get an "education" in sexuality. I am here to emphatically say that it wrecked my sexuality and view of women and I have only just begun to recover. I wish I had never been given the opportunity as a child to sexualize women and see them as objects of my pleasure. I'm still not even sure I know what it means to be attracted to a woman apart from her looks. I've never been in love and I'm afraid of intimacy. I've cheapened sex as if it's only something that I can get as opposed to what I can give and I'm so sad and weary in my heart because of it. It's sickening.
But God, who is rich in mercy, has renewed me by the washing of His Holy Spirit. He has given me new eyes to look on women as creatures who are deeply loved in spite of their flaws. He has greatly healed my heart after I went hiding from love through deeply perverted actions and thoughts related to voyeurism, exhibitionism, homosexuality and pornography. I can't wait to get married someday and experience sex as God planned for me to: In a safe, caring and committed relationship with the love of my life. I deeply desire the opportunity to raise our kids and provide for them a spiritual shelter where they can take refuge in Jesus from the evils of this world. One of my most joyful thoughts is of my children loving Christ as their Savior.
So I am pleased to say that God has brought my experience full circle, from a lonely and wounded child furtively looking at a Playboy, to a sex addict, to a recovered addict and excited potential father. By God's grace, my struggle will not be that of my children. In spite of my sin, God has redeemed me and can do the same for you.
All of this flashed through my mind today while I was at Barnes & Noble. I've spent the better part of 17 years battling the images I have sealed in my mind. I was looking at board games when I took a casual glance to my side and saw the "adult" section. There were incredibly lustful pictures of outwardly gorgeous women on the covers that staggered me in my steps. One of the books in particular was about 4 feet off the ground and stuck out into the aisle. On its cover were a completely nude woman and man engaged in a sexual acts (Kama Sutra) and my only thought was of myself when I was a kid and how such images hijacked my brain for the better part of half my life.
I approached one of the store clerks and asked if he could find a more "proper" place to position the book. All he said to me was, "Yeah, we tried to move those books as far away from the kid's section as possible but YOU can put it on its side since it's bothering you." Goodness, in my flesh I would have rather bought the book instead of bringing it up to him! Still, I found it annoying that he turned the situation around on me as if I was the problem. His eyes seemed to scream out accusingly, "Of course it's completely natural to put sexual books at eyesight near the board games where kids, before their time, will seek to know just what the hell they're looking at!"
Many people like this man have decided that it is perfectly acceptable for kids to get an "education" in sexuality. I am here to emphatically say that it wrecked my sexuality and view of women and I have only just begun to recover. I wish I had never been given the opportunity as a child to sexualize women and see them as objects of my pleasure. I'm still not even sure I know what it means to be attracted to a woman apart from her looks. I've never been in love and I'm afraid of intimacy. I've cheapened sex as if it's only something that I can get as opposed to what I can give and I'm so sad and weary in my heart because of it. It's sickening.
But God, who is rich in mercy, has renewed me by the washing of His Holy Spirit. He has given me new eyes to look on women as creatures who are deeply loved in spite of their flaws. He has greatly healed my heart after I went hiding from love through deeply perverted actions and thoughts related to voyeurism, exhibitionism, homosexuality and pornography. I can't wait to get married someday and experience sex as God planned for me to: In a safe, caring and committed relationship with the love of my life. I deeply desire the opportunity to raise our kids and provide for them a spiritual shelter where they can take refuge in Jesus from the evils of this world. One of my most joyful thoughts is of my children loving Christ as their Savior.
So I am pleased to say that God has brought my experience full circle, from a lonely and wounded child furtively looking at a Playboy, to a sex addict, to a recovered addict and excited potential father. By God's grace, my struggle will not be that of my children. In spite of my sin, God has redeemed me and can do the same for you.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Promises are made to be broken?
"Promise Maker, Promise Keeper; you finish what you begin!" That's how a song by Kristian Stanfill called "Lord our God" starts. It helped direct me to a better answer to a question I had posited to some friends of mine a few nights ago. We were talking about the normal dialogue that arises almost every time we meet a new person and how we first almost always ask (or are asked) something along the lines of, "So, what do you do?"
In the sense that this question is inquisitive of a person's job I find it to be deeply troubling because we tend to equate it in some degree to the value of the person being asked. A person's worth does not come from the worldly position they hold! God is not partial that He would value an engineer over a janitor. However, if by asking what a person does we are speaking of the promises they make and keep we come much closer to finding out who they are. Indeed, I suggested that a good question to ask a person upon first meeting them would be, "Who are you?" So think about that. Who would you say you are?
A good defining answer (at least for the Christian) could be "a son/daughter of God" or "a new creation in Christ." Still, this answer is a bit ambiguous unless it reveals the character of the God that fathered and created us. God's character is revealed through promise keeping and promise making. I am reminded of Sanctus Real's song called 'Promises' in which we are admonished to "Just hold on to the promises [of God]" because "neither life, nor death could separate us from the eternal love of our God who made us!"
God's word is not weak that He would break it. As Numbers 23:19 proclaims:
God is not man, that he should lie,
or a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Has he said, and will he not do it?
Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?
God's word is His bond. So what does He promise to those who love Him? He promises to provide for our every need (Phil. 4:19); that His grace is sufficient for our salvation (2 Cor. 12:9); that He will never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5); that all things work for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). He also promises judgment for all who should deny Him (Numbers 14:22-23).
When He makes a promise, He binds Himself to the premise that nothing is more important than His word. Not even His life. The cross is our evidence that God does not simply make promises to us, but that He keeps them, though it cost Him all He has. How about you? Can you say with confidence who you are by the promises you make and keep?
In the sense that this question is inquisitive of a person's job I find it to be deeply troubling because we tend to equate it in some degree to the value of the person being asked. A person's worth does not come from the worldly position they hold! God is not partial that He would value an engineer over a janitor. However, if by asking what a person does we are speaking of the promises they make and keep we come much closer to finding out who they are. Indeed, I suggested that a good question to ask a person upon first meeting them would be, "Who are you?" So think about that. Who would you say you are?
A good defining answer (at least for the Christian) could be "a son/daughter of God" or "a new creation in Christ." Still, this answer is a bit ambiguous unless it reveals the character of the God that fathered and created us. God's character is revealed through promise keeping and promise making. I am reminded of Sanctus Real's song called 'Promises' in which we are admonished to "Just hold on to the promises [of God]" because "neither life, nor death could separate us from the eternal love of our God who made us!"
God's word is not weak that He would break it. As Numbers 23:19 proclaims:
God is not man, that he should lie,
or a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Has he said, and will he not do it?
Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?
God's word is His bond. So what does He promise to those who love Him? He promises to provide for our every need (Phil. 4:19); that His grace is sufficient for our salvation (2 Cor. 12:9); that He will never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5); that all things work for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). He also promises judgment for all who should deny Him (Numbers 14:22-23).
When He makes a promise, He binds Himself to the premise that nothing is more important than His word. Not even His life. The cross is our evidence that God does not simply make promises to us, but that He keeps them, though it cost Him all He has. How about you? Can you say with confidence who you are by the promises you make and keep?
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