Joy in dark places.

It was the burden of death delayed. It was a new beginning waiting just beyond reach of that eternal door. With its approach was a weary sorrow.

Looking back, this is what I sensed when I visited a convalescent home years and years ago. I was a confusing mash of emotions trying to avoid suffocation under an intense weight of hopelessness. It was one of the most dreadful places I have ever been to. Walking down the hallway, I peered into a multitude of rooms open to all observers. In them, elderly people had their diapers changed, drugs administered, meals delivered. Every event was a spectacle and it sucked up joy like a sponge.

Well do I remember the lack of life before my eyes as I entered the "living" room. It felt like residents had gone there to die. Almost every seat was filled with the breathing dead. The TV was on with its volume turned low so that every hushed word crashed around the silent room in deafening waves. Heads rolled to the side, eyes were glazed over and spittle flecked the shirts of those whose mouths lay open.

My mind's eye recalls it as a sea of gray. Yet, there was a bright spot that drew my eye immediately. It was a brilliant purple splotch on the gun metal canvas. As it turned out, the name of the splotch was Lois. She was bedecked with a beautiful, old style purple skirt and vest. Her shoes matched and were in prime condition. Even her hair was done up and on it sat a purple hat, suspended at a rakish angle on her silvery curls. She had not succumbed within those haggard walls!

It took some time for me to make it to where she sat though she was not my destination. First, the woman closest to the entryway slowly looked up at me and a flicker of life flashed across her face. To this day I forget her name, so I will have to make do with remembering the brightness that sprang into her eyes. I sat with her for a few minutes, made jokes and complimented her on her charming good looks. We laughed and the room began to stir. More heads came up and a particularly mindless individual began to babble at me and laugh quickly. His mind stayed lost, though his eyes were anchored to my face. I was being called to leave but felt that I had a great opportunity to inject hope into these lives.

I pardoned myself from the first lady and approached Lois who had beckoned to me. I sat with her for a couple of joyful minutes while stating that her purple dress really brought out her beautiful eyes. Her laughter shimmered. Sadly, it was time for me to excuse myself for good. Lois made me promise to return and as I left I wished God's blessings upon everyone in the room. All had awoken by this time and the TV no longer smothered their dreams.

Sadly, I made an abrupt departure and am not particularly happy to remember it. Much to my shame, though I could see the need for Jesus and His love in that place, I never returned. I never saw Lois again. I broke my word to her. The situation was simply too overwhelming for me having never experienced such a thing before. Also, my personal visions of grandeur were at odds with the extreme limitations before me. Still, no excuse is worthy to be made.

Having thought about this much over the years, I have come to some difficult, yet good conclusions. The goal, as Shane Claiborne states in his book Irresistable Revolution, "was not to keep people alive, but to allow people to die with dignity, with someone loving them, singing, laughing, so they were not alone." But what dignity could I have given just by myself? For that, Mother Theresa said, "We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it."

Even Jesus said that what we have done for the least of people we have done for Him. Learn from my (forgiven) failings. Love God in the small moments of everyday. Love His children and meet them at the point of their need. Bring them dignity with your love. We are an army of Davids and our small, tender works combined will change the world for Jesus. We are the light of Christ, called to bring His brilliance to a darkened world!

There is joy in the waiting.

People often ask if I have a girlfriend the answer to which has, for all but a month of my life, been an emphatic "no." Most usually, when asked by Christians I know (or family), I get the response that "It'll be OK. The right person will come at just the right time!" Well, I'm not in a rush and I'm not hoping for someone to show up at the wrong time!

I believe in a sovereign, all-mighty God, who has my best interests at heart. To the core of my being, as a creation that bears the image of the invisible God, my purpose is to grow in His love and admonition. Thus, for every moment of my life, I have the opportunity and privilege to offer my heart and every action and thought up to His divine providence.

It is meant as worthy of great honor to seek Jesus' face as a single man. Having many friends who are married and being able to ask their advice on how to wait upon the Lord clarifies the journey that leads up to marriage. I am able to focus on my own growth in the Spirit and His ways so that, in the fullness of His timing for me, I might be a man deserving of the woman He has specifically fashioned to have my heart. It is good to learn from the experiences of those who have gone before me!

Waiting for the right woman should be an occasion for joy and hope just as waiting on the Lord to return is. His promises are good and certain for He is the Giver of EVERY good gift...even patience. I have often reminded myself that being single and happy is far better than being in a relationship and miserable. Also, a good friend of mine has often said, "Evan, you have NO IDEA how bad it is to be married to someone you don't enjoy." This is wisdom people; to not be unequally yoked!

How football taught me to take life's hits.

For some reason, football became an important means for me to relax on the weekend this past year. It also gave me a good reason to skip my singing class on Monday night! I think I became a real fan of the sport when I read the book "Quiet Strength" by Tony Dungy. He's the former coach of both the Buccaneers and the Colts and led the Colts to a Super Bowl win. I was considering the players and the way they pump their fists and point to God when they make a touchdown or do some sort of amazing athletic feat. I'd not seen a player point to the heavens when missing a touchdown pass. A faith that does not carry a person through difficult times when they fail according to worldly standards is a faith not worth having.

I watched my two favorite teams earlier this season play against one another. It was my childhood team, the Broncos and my hometown team, the Chargers. They were playing against one another for the second time this season and the Chargers crushed the Broncos. What impressed me most about the game was what happened after the final whistle. I believe Phillip Rivers (the Chargers QB) was giving an interview about the win when I saw a large group of players from both teams behind him. Other players were sprinting up to join the group and I was excited to see that they were all kneeling on the field together praying to God. I'd never seen that before.

I was even more astonished during the Super Bowl because I was given a rare treat. I was rooting for the Colts (which turned out to be a disappointment) but I got to see the character of Matt Stover after he missed a 51-yard field goal attempt for the Colts. As he was running off the field I saw him point his index fingers to heaven and give thanks to God just for the opportunity to kick the ball. The announcer mentioned Stover's faith and how he was a man who was willing to give thanks in good and bad times.

This was actually part of a months long process of the Spirit's work in my heart that came to fruition today. I had been praying that I would be a man who had a love for God even when my plans were not bearing fruit. After more than three months of trying to get into the Escondido PD and beating out almost 300 people to make it to the final eight applicants, I was finally dropped from consideration. I was disappointed but the Lord reminded me of His goodness first and that He is my perfect and good Provider. I gave thanks to God for the opportunity to make it as far as I did and, though I wasn't ecstatic, I was thankful to have Jesus pouring out His kind comfort into my heart.

My greatest joy now is knowing that God has the power to change my heart. My only comfort comes in the relationship I have with His perfect Son and the knowledge that Jesus covers me in the shelter of His wing. For a true blessing, read Psalm 27 and ask if you too want the one thing David asked of God in His times of distress.

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek...

The perfect wedding!

One day, we saints will all finally dance our way down the carpeted aisle and into Heaven to be united forever with the love of our lives and Savior, Jesus Christ. Imagine the clapping, cheering, shouting and overwhelming joy that will accompany us at that wedding feast when we are given our new names and uncorrupted bodies! The time is almost upon us when we finally realize how great of a gift God has prepared for us in His kingdom; we will get our first look upon the smiling and joyful countenance of Christ as He stands at the altar to receive us home as His perfected bride! A toast is in order, brothers and sisters, to our eternal reunion with our great and irresistible Affection!