Keeping the "relate" in relationships.

I was discussing relationships with a good friend of mine last night and we got onto the issue of deal breakers. She asked me to define them so I had to ask myself, "What sorts of character flaws are so bad that, in and of themselves, they ruin any chance of a relationship forever regardless of every other positive trait?" Philosophically, I needed a logical foundation to reinforce my question. I answered using two supporting justifications:

1) I had to determine what deficiencies I was unwilling to accept in myself to discern what I was compelled to avoid in someone. In so doing, I realized that;

2) The woman would have to be compatible with me in every important way for the best possible assurance of a LONG TERM relationship.

Thus, importantly, I should stay far away from the attraction of opposites.

To wit, I love Jesus and believe His grace, apart from works, rescues sinners from hopeless lives. Mercy triumphs over justice. Being with someone who disagreed would feel like a red-hot brand in my side. I am very good with money and take pride in the stewardship of the resources that God has given to me. Why would I choose the foolishness of being with a frivolous woman? Would a man choose to sleep under a leaky roof? I am a hard worker and find great worth in completing a job to the best of my ability. A lazy woman would be like gravel in my mouth. My political conservatism defines my view of government, so being with a woman who wants to force redistribution of wealth to "the poor" would be worse than Chinese water torture.

Put simply, to be a gracious and merciful man in marriage, responsible with my labor and its fruit, and of the belief that I have the best ability to determine how to use my life, I need a compatible woman. If I never meet her, I am content to be single because my ultimate desire for marriage is to learn to love God more and bring Him the glory of a union so absolutely amazing that even those who don't know God give Him the credit for such a miraculous affair. My relationship with Jesus is too good to squander on a terrible relationship.

My friend, thought not a Christian, found it to be a very good explanation!

Random thoughts and questions from tonight.

-Putting thought to paper (or blog) is an amazing thing to do. It takes a lot of effort but bears rich rewards if you can apply reason to reality to find wisdom. In fact, much like praying before a God who knows you perfectly, writing your thoughts out helps in the process of obtaining wisdom by exposing hypocrisy in your thought processes. The best way to find wisdom is to ask questions and discover certain principles that never change. Once you've found those principles, you have an immutable foundation upon which to build your life. This foundation leads to a strong conscience and character and a hatred of deceit.

-A friend writes concerning the scriptures: "Okay, whatever. I'm done talking about the Bible because I don't know anything from it. I am useless."

My response: "That's foolish to say lil' sister! Ask me for scriptures for proof instead of lambasting yourself. Ask questions, ask questions, ask questions! You won't gain wisdom by denying your creation as a daughter of God, made in His image!"

-A question I asked on Facebook: "How does gay marriage infringe upon our rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Does another person's marriage take away your ability to live life as you see fit?"

A friend writes: "I feel that if our nation was to legally endorse gay "marriage" then the judgment of our heavenly father would be upon the whole nation."

My response: "Doesn't the judgment of God fall upon people for every sin? Does God deem one sin as more worthy of eternal justice than another? Doesn't our allowance of abortion as a country place us under God's judgment already? We are either under judgment already or we are not."

(The picture above is an illustration intended to reveal conceit and is not in alignment with my beliefs)

Another friend writes on this topic: "A gay man thinks the same as a straight man. Therefore no limitation [on marriage] should be made. But what about those with a mental disability that could cause harm to oneself or another? Is it okay then to have limits?"

My response in part: "Who determines mental disability? Even mentally disabled people can be wise and make proper decisions. I know plenty of mentally enabled people who make incredibly destructive choices. Wisdom is not constrained by one's ability to think but rather by one's ability to have empathy towards others. Mentally disabled people I have known are some of the most loving people I have ever met."

-A third friend ask how I got on the topic and I said: "[My reason is] anger over the conduct of judgmental Christians who would rather judge their unbelieving neighbor instead of loving their enemies as God loved them when they were His enemies!"